Struggling with my thoughts and feelings around reopening historical abuse case

[TabithaTwitchEye]

Hi all, I'm sure there was a survivors of sexual abuse thread... has it gone?

I hadn't ever seen one before. Maybe you could start a new one?

Thanks OddSocks, maybe I should.

I've got lots of things going round in my mind lately. Would be good to talk if anyone is around.

There was one. No idea where though.
Wouldn't hurt to start a new one. Are you alright?

I'm still around to talk if you'd like

I've asked the CPS to review my case. I think it was closed as I was counted as a 'vulnerable witness'. I just want to find out whether anything more can be done.

It was a teacher, and I'm haunted by the fact that he could still be teaching. I've tried to move on, but I don't think I can until I know more/I've tried to do something

That sounds wrong to me. You were abused, of course you were vulnerable! I'm sorry that happened to you.

Do you know how long until CPS get back to you? I hope you get some kind of closure/relief whatever path you choose with the information you're given.

Well, the local CID have already got back to me to say that it's been allocated to a DCI and his team. Just a waiting game now, I guess.

Don't suppose anyone else has a similar experience...?

Not with this. I didn't report my childhood abuse at all (family member) and I doubt I ever will.

I reported a recent rape and I'm sitting back and waiting for the rest as well so I understand the waiting part. Hopefully somebody on here will have more experience of your situation.

I really hope it all goes well for you

Thank you, socks. It's nice to have a hand to hold! Feeling very mixed at the moment; I know I'm doing 'the right thing', but feel terrified and just, well, awful. It's not something I feel I can discuss in real life. I have booked to see a therapist, but that's next week. He should have to pay for my tgerapy, complete, soul-destroying bastard.

Yeah it's a scary thing, I've almost backed out a couple of times but I'm pushing ahead. I find that it's hard to speak in real life because people assume that once you've said it the one time you should STFU and never mention it again, like saying it once should have "cured" you of it or something. Either that or they see you as broken and fragile and like they have to handle you with kid gloves. Pisses me off!

He should have to pay. Or you shouldn't have to at the very least. Have you had therapy before?

I've attempted therapy a few times. Always backed out as soon as it got too hard.

Feel awful today. Haven't eaten since Monday 😒

Tabitha, you're doing the right thing. Stay strong and Keep posting .

For you oddsocks

Thank you. Makes a difference to know someone's reading.

My abuser was a teacher. The thought that he may still be teaching makes me feel, just, horrendous.

I'm struggling massively with the fact that I didn't hate all of the abuse. I never said "no" either verbally, or with some of my actions.

Sorry to hear this happened to you.
It's always worth reporting, it's often the case that someone else has reported and a bigger case can be put together, more validation and more witnesses will help.
However Don't feel that you have to take this any further than you feel OK with, I think it's important to feel that you can have some control when you've previously had control stolen from you.
Surround yourself with supportive people, the start of talking about it can give rise to a confusing mix of feelings. Plan to have someone just for you after interview and therapy sessions. It's hard to box up feelings until the next appointment. Ultimately it will empower you, to be heard believed and understood.

Thank you. I don't really have reliable support outside what I'm paying for. It's hard.

Hi Tabitha, I started the original abuse support threads. They lulled for a while, but I'm glad you had seen them and felt you could start a new thread.

How are you doing?

Not feeling great. I think lack of food and sleep over the past few days is taking its toll. Have managed to get a tgerapy session for early tomorrow rather than waiting a week, which is good. Have also managed to eat something tonight, too.

Well done, it sounds like you're being really proactive. I hope therapy helps you.

Do try to eat. I'm the biggest hypocrite ever for saying that but lack of food always makes your mood worse. Anytime you find yourself struggling to eat try things like a glass of milk to make sure you're getting something in you.

Thank you. The therapist was really excellent. I was quite shocked by how much she got it. Still feeling terrible, but I guess it's a start.

I'm glad the therapy session went well.

Did the police give any indication of when you might hear something?

They said that they'd touch base in January.

DH was out last night at his work xmas do, and he's out tonight at his hobby's xmas do. Feeling really alone, suddenly.

Told DH yesterday while the was out. Didn't come home til 5am.

Oh dear, that wasn't very supportive. It's a hard time of year when you're struggling, watching everyone go out partying and just feeling like you're standing on the sidelines of your own life.