I wasn't sure where to post this but I'm hoping this is right.
I'm also sorry this is extremely long.
I'm having a very hard time dealing with in-laws at the moment and just want to let off steam and maybe get some advice.
Background: I'm British but I live in an Eastern country and my husband is a native of that country. He is very open-minded and not conventional by his own cultural standards.
His parents are both really kind and generous to us, they are more traditional.
My DH father was recently diagnosed with cancer and because of our proximity to the hospital where he will be receiving treatment, my PIL have moved in with us. Thankfully it is stage one and everyone is feeling positive about the prognosis.
It's been two weeks since they came to live with us in our rather small apartment and I'm finding it very hard.
Understandably because of FIL's illness my already EXTREMELY health conscious MIL has become militant about what we all eat. It is just a given that she will cook every meal, anything that she considers unhealthy is immediately a no-no. However her ideas of unhealthy range from basic common sense like high salt content to incredibly exasperating - we literally do not eat any fats of any kind, which is unhealthy I think, not to mention incredibly joyless. She berates me and DH for eating anything she considers unhealthy. DH bought me a cheese baguette on the way home from work and she had a go at us saying cheese and bread are so unhealthy. Firstly, I know??? and secondly, I love them anyway and hardly stuff them down my throat all the time. It was just a nice treat which she managed to sour. Any amount of alcohol is a huge NO.
She has always 'corrected' me in what I eat and wear because she thinks I'm too fat and assumes I am on a diet. It's even worse now.
She has also bought and had installed and alkaline water filter thing and has a go at me for drinking normal water, even washing the dishes with normal water....
On top of this she has commandeered my kitchen, rearranging it all to her liking without asking me.
I no longer feel like it's my home, but theirs. We let them take our bedroom as it has a private bathroom so I thought FIL would need that especially during his treatment when he's feeling crappy. We are in the spare room.
They have the TV on all day and always watch what they want to watch never offering me or DH a chance to watch something we like. I find myself sitting in the sad little spare room watching tv on my laptop feeling like I can't really go anywhere in my own home.
When I tried to do some cooking the other day she hovered over me giving me 'advice' and basically telling me everything I was doing wrong. This is something she does constantly and again - for everything! From how I peel carrots to how often I should wash my hair.... I'm at my wits end.
DH and I went out for a night of freedom last night and it was horrible because we ended up arguing about it. I said he needed to stand up for me more. He actually does stick up for me, but it's always later quietly after the event which is probably best. But sometimes I'd just like him to do in front of me, in front of her.
I feel like a terrible person because they have received this dreadful news and MIL and DH don't need shit from me on top of it all. But equally it's only been 2 weeks and I don't know how I can continue on for months like this. I just ask for a bit of respect. I don't want to be corrected all the time, I don't want to feel guilty for wanting a glass of wine or a bite of cheese, or the way I boil broccoli. I expect lots of people to say 'well just tell her to stop' but there is a cultural barrier. I'm still a child in her eyes. Although I always feel my culture is not respected in reciprocation.
Anyway, I would love to hear if anyone else has been in a similar situation and how they coped or what they did to make things better.