"You can do what you want when I'm at work"

[Demanmodnar]

Regular poster, I've name changed for this.

So the OH gets home after work. Plonks themselves on the sofa and doesn't move. Sits playing with tablet and phone and controls the television.
When I say how come they get to do what you want all night, they say,
"You get to do what you want when I'm at work"

Bearing in mind when they're at work I'm parenting a 3 year old, washing, cleaning, cooking tea, shopping, sorting Xmas, etc.

Should I put my boot up their bottom?

OnceAMeerNotAlwaysAMeer

your post made me chuckle, gonna nickname OH 'It' now.

It's gone to bed now, poor things been up since 5am.

Thanks for all the posts here. I started this in a lighthearted way but it has actually helped me realise a few things that weren't quite as even as they should be. I just kind of got on with doing things without thinking that maybe IT should be doing some of it too.

So albeit unintentional, this silly thread on this silly fantastic website has actually helped with my silly real life.

Why do people do this non-specific gender thing? In this case, both for the child and the OH? Will you really be "outed" if you say him or her? It would certainly make your posts easier to read.

That's great your partner has given you the green light to do whatever you want during the day.

For me, that would not include any chores. Obviously.

Time to see who blinks first.

I don't know if op is a man and DP a woman and e thinks that we will answer differently if we know that - or if they are so paranoid about being outed that they think that people who know them will recognise such an unusual family set up as two adults and a 3 year old

Exactly what I was thinking stoic.

I'd be doing exactly what I wanted during the day then.

What's that darling? Where's dinner? Oh you don't have any as I did what I wanted while you were at work

Does your three year old go to nursery?

I disagree. If DP has been at work all day I do think they deserve some down time straight after getting home. I currently see both sides as I work part time and have a pre-school DS, and for me a day at work is a lot more tirying and demanding than staying at home as there are lots of time for 'downtime' during the day and you are still able to get out and enjoy yourselves.

I disagree. If DP has been at work all day I do think they deserve some down time straight after getting home.

There's a rather large difference between getting some down time when they get back and playing lord of the manor for all their waking hours spent at home while the OP plays servant/child. Who never gets to choose what to watch on the television during peak grown-up TV hours in their own bloody house? The OP is being treated like a child and a servant.

There's a balance!

Yes, you come in from work and need a break. But you look after children all day and that's a job all of its own. You need a break too.

Fathers - good fathers- don't just go home, put their feet up and that's that. They get involved with their children. Their wives get - shock horror - a say in what's on the TV ... each of them should.

Anyway it sounds like this man is shaping up at least to some degree

I don't think it sounds at all like OP is being treated as a servant. Depending on the job and how physical/demanding it is, then I don't think looking after one three year old is the same. On the days I work when I come home I am knackered and do expect DP to have made an effort with the tea if he's been at home and tidied up during the day and he would expect the same of me. I think that's a fair deal otherwise when is the working parents 'break'??

What thestoic said.

"You can do want you want when I'm at work"?

OK, not a problem

There are plenty of fun things you can do with a 3yo in tow, that avoid making any contribution to the care and keeping of the large mammal that is your OH, and I suggest you investigate them all thoroughly. At length.

MummyC92 right there in the OP, third paragraph, it specifies that the OP cooks dinner and cleans.

Why are some people so keen to jump all over an SAHP that they wilfully fail to read what is right in front of them?

I hope you did indeed go out for the day today

Boulevard I did see the OP does the cooking/cleaning. But I think that is pretty normal and doesn't make a 'servant'. It would be unreasonable to expect someone to work all day and then come home to do all the cooking/cleaning when the other parent has been at home all day and could have done it.

There's a balance and I don't think that excuses the working parent of doing nothing, if DP is working when I'm at home with DS then DP will do bath and bedtime, but I wouldn't be angry if he didn't get the Hoover out..

OP, if you are looking at Hoar Cross that means you are near me, happy to meet up for a coffee if you need to escape :)

I loved my dd and I love my dgd, but really doing a job is a breeze compared to keeping up with a small child. Why is always people with Mummy in their username who are so contemptuous of SAHPs?

Had a lovely day yesterday, weather was a bit naff mind you. But I had breakfast in bed made by OH and DC.

Went out, spent money in Xmas decs, presents, coffee chocolate cake I even met a friend and had a drink in a pub! Hardcore living.
Got home and had dinner, cooked by OH, put my feet up, OH sorted DC and then I picked a movie to watch.

Today will be a good test because HE, non gender specific seeing as it seems to matter , is at work.

Normally it kinda of works like this,:
I get up, OH gone by then, I sort DD out with breakfast and clothes and we sit and watch cbeebies till 10ish. Then we do something arty or creative. She likes to paint but often we colour or draw. That normally takes till 12ish when we pack away. Then we have lunch. About 1ish I'll put something on Youtube for her, often educational but entertaining. I'll put washer on and washup breakfast and lunch stuff. About 3ish DD will go upstairs for an hour of self time, she plays in her room or she naps or whatever she likes. I hoover, take washing out, put on line or airer and I'll tidy up DDs play area if he's made any mess. About 4 OH will get home. He'll say hi, make a coffee, go upstairs and say hi to DD and end her little self time hour. She comes down, he stays up and showers and changes and lies in the bed for a while to recharge. I make dd a snack and start dinner. About 6ish we eat at the table and chat etc. Then I tidy plates and we go into the living room. OH sits on the sofa and takes charge of remotes. He puts things on for DD, YouTube or cbeebies or on demand or Netflix or whatever and sits on his tablet. Around 7.30 I get DD ready for bed, she kisses daddy and goes up to bed around 8 for stories till 8.30 or so. I then come down and usually find OH has got something ready to watch, I sit, he unpauses it, we watch (well he more than me as I'm on my tablet) he watches a couple episodes of whatever then goes to bed just after 10, this is usually when I put Corrie on.

That's not everyday obviously but a roughish outline of a typical day. Think that's pretty average for most people and SAHP? Some days I go out with DD and shopping other days I don't etc.

But anyway, we'll see later if 'it' < non gender specific partner, remembers what they promised. Even if they only do Bedtime once or twice a week I'll be happy.

I don't know why everything always get turned into a battle of SAHP and working parents.. It is a personal choice and dependant on circumstances and it is nobody's right to judge otherwise. I'm simply stating that there is two sides and often the working partner is put down for not doing enough when it isn't fair to expect them to do it all. I have a similar aged child who is very busy so I am in no way saying it is easy but neither is it easy for the working parent.

It's a simple split in my view. SAHP does what they can while the WOHP is at work. Everything else then must be split fairly (whether that is equally depends on what you and your partner are happy with and agree) as its outside of 'work hours'.

Why should the SAHP be the only one to graft outside of work hours? 2 scenarios spring to mind. Either the SAHP is getting leisure time during the 'working day' and so reasonably takes on some of the other things while the WOHP gets leisure time, OR the WOHP does not value the work of the SAHP or simply how much work it can be.

Yes some children will happily entertain themselves for an hour a day or nap or whatever whilst you get things done. Others my DS just do not operate that way and if I was a full time SAHP there would be more to do outside of work hours than if I was in employment full time.