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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

my space - an excuse to chat up likeminded women?

10 replies

seasonscheatings · 11/12/2006 16:47

My partner and i have had a pretty rocky time as a couple. We have 2 kids - ds is 2.10 and dd is 5 months. But we have gone to relate and just kept going. I'm always tired, baby is a poor sleeper. My partner is fairly quiet, on the computer alot. Never bothered me, i like the peace and quiet.

Today i read his myspace page, out of interest. (He posts his own music tracks there). i came across a rather enthusiastic 16 year old who is 'really feeling his beats'. She has written to him a few times. On the last post she had put some kisses. i read her myspace page and he had previously suggested a collaboration with her and told her how when she was 20 she'd be a great producer. (They both produce their own music on the pc).

This comes at a time when i feel old, tired and stressed. He has often said we have nothing in common, which is true, i mean not like sports or hobbies. However in his defence, he is generous, gets up with our ds every day to do his brekkie, great at the` weekends and can be very loving.

I do feel insecure about this girl, maybe because both my dad and his dad met their second wives when they were in their forties, and the girls in their mid teens. And there are no pics of me or the kids on his page. He says its not the done thing on the music site.

Am i overreacting?

OP posts:
ParanoidSurreyHousewife · 11/12/2006 16:52

Presumably he has at leat put the fact that he is married with kids (there is a space for this and most people have got it filled in ime). I seriously doubt that many 16yos on myspace are really 16. Again ime youngsters add 4 or 5 years, oldsters subtract 4/5.

i suspect that you have nothing to worry about, but at elast mention it to your dh.

FioFio · 11/12/2006 16:54

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FioFio · 11/12/2006 16:55

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seasonscheatings · 11/12/2006 16:56

She is definately 16, and i think he has met her once at a gig. Its the myspace music site so the profiles layout is different. No mention of his family on it.

OP posts:
ParanoidSurreyHousewife · 11/12/2006 17:01

OK I'm curious - how do you know that she is definitely 16? Do you know her parents or something?

seasonscheatings · 11/12/2006 17:05

Fiofio, yes i do feel really tired. I havent had a full nights sleep since dd was born. i have got some great friends, i asked them if i seemed depressed, they said no.

PSH. She has photos on her site. She looks about 20 so i'm pretty sure 16 is right. And for what its worth she also said she's 16.

OP posts:
wannaBeOnTopOfTheChristmasTree · 11/12/2006 17:07

tbh I think that it has to do with the fact he is musically minded. I have a myspace page, well I did have for a while, to upload my own music tracks to, and if someone had contacted me saying that they had an afinity with my music I would be extremely flattered, but not in a romantic way, in a way that shows appreciation for the fact that others like my music. Dh isn't musical, obviously he wants to hear what I produce, but to him it's just music, whereas if someone who actually knew something about music took the time to get in touch with me to tell me I would consider it the greatest honour and would probably maintain contact, but would never cross my mind to have an affair.

Can you tell your dh how you're feeling? have you considered going with him to a gig? He may just think you're not interested in his music - I know I felt that way about dh to the extent that I didn't necessarily let him hear my songs once I'd recorded them, but it wasn't personal, I just thought he wouldnt be that interested as music isn't his thing iyswim.

FLAMEinEckItsYuleAgain · 11/12/2006 17:07

Awww its sweetstuff all over again.

I am a tad paranoid about being cheated on... DH met sweetstuff playing online - I got myself sooo worked up about her (this was with DS newborn, me looking and feeling like sh*t etc). I got hysterical about seeing a message to her starting "Hello Sweet" (took it as a term of endearment, forgetting that was her name).

All they ever talked about was the game, as I am sure all your DH and this girl talk about is music.

You are tired, looking after 2 young children, and have probably forgotten what it feels like to be anything other than a mum, and because of that you feel like your DH will have forgotten that you are anything else too. I don't have a lot in common with DH, but we work - we click. You don't have to have lots in common to be able to enjoy each other.

Time getting your relationship back to more than just parents is what is needed

seasonscheatings · 11/12/2006 17:22

thanks wannabe, that helps me see it from his side.

flamin, you're quite right about him only seeing me as a mother. We havent had sex since before dd was born. We went through a really bad patch when dd was 5 weeks old. He left for 6 weeks. Only just felt like things were really ok.

I just feel like, ok, i like films and books and have even written my own stuff, but would not feel right about a longstanding cyber friendship based on constant ego boosting. Pint of bitterness anyone?

OP posts:
FLAMEinEckItsYuleAgain · 11/12/2006 17:27

Awww you're just low. Sex would help (I forget that its important til I have it again ) - we kept saying we were too tired, and once we actually got round to it we were a lot closer.

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