DH and money

[mummysuperior]

DH used to be in a lot of debt, when he got with me I told him he had to get rid of it or at least make a big dent on it, after many relapses and arguments he did start to make bigger monthly payments and he managed to get one of his cards down from £2k to £150 which obviously was great. Yesterday we were sat in the car and he told me about a radio controlled helicopter he wanted I told him no and he said he wasnt asking me, he was telling me he was getting it. I asked him how and he said on the card that he'd got down to £150 so this will go back up to around £300 now. I was furious and told him that if he did I would seriously consider leaving him, we had a big row, he managed to talk me around and I said if he wanted it that much he could get it, he was over the moon and poo'd all over the car.

I've since been thinking about it and I'm so angry, more with my myself for being talked around and for backing down so easily but I'm also sick of him and his toys and wasting money, especially this close to christmas.

Is it worth ending a relationship over?

poo'd all over car ????

he pooed all over the car?

sorry... DH or DS? radio controlled helicopter? how old?

maybe not enough to end a relnship but I'd be fairly unhappy and demonstrating it very clearly

if he has reduced his debts from £2000 to £150..can he not have a treat?

i would not end a relationship over a £150 item.

hummm i don't know if i'd end the reltionship but id be very angry.

what about a compromise?

if he can sell enough of his stuff to make £150 (or damn close to it) then he can have it, if he cant then no he cant have it.

and tbh if he can raise £150 from selling some stuff then really he should pay off his credit card and cut it up............however if he can make £300.............

why doesn't he pay of the £150 and save for the helicopter? just a matter of time. i bet that if he did do that, he probably wouldn't want it anymore, and if he still did, the purchase would be that much sweeter / more rewarding.

i think he has to address this spend now, pay later mindset, but it's not worth ending your marriage over.

Did you really mean to write poo'd all over the car?

If so I'd dump him for that alone.

If not, I'd still dump him. Anyone who thinks a toy helicopter is worth risking a relationship for, doesn't really value that relationship very much, does he? Or he's 12. Personally, if I'm in a sexual relationship with someone, I prefer it to be with a grown up man, not an immature little boy.

My dp really wants a wii - he has ordered one - but we are skint as usual so he's going to sell it on ebay (yes i kno i kno - morally wrong etc) but if he wants one he will have to buy one and seel it for double whats it costs and then buy himself one - even then the state we are in im not going to be happy about it but he'll have done all the running for it so will kind of deserve it, if money was no object i'd love him to have all the things he wants and be nice if i could get some stuff too........

if he does end up with a wii - do you htink i will get something worth almost £200???? no i wont because even if he said i could have the £200 i know damn well there is other stuff we need more than me treating myself to £200.

what's a wii?

Wouldn't consider it worth ending over.
Would make sure dh understands it's his priority to pay off in the new year if only to demonstrate to you that things have changed and you can indeed trust him.
Would also remind him of this toy the next time he wants a new one and remind him of how long it took him to pay off, what it actually cost (maybe he should start putting savings aside to cover the cost of his toys rather than getting them on the never never and you can agree together how much he can use for this purpose) and how much time he spent playing with it (so actual cost/hours of enjoyment, I suppose.
When dh and I do this last exercise we almost always decide it's not worth spending the money in the first place.
Is there any chance you can ebay some of his old toys to offset the cost? At this time of year you may get more for them than you otherwise would.

WHAT'S A WII???Are you serious??? Obviously no teenagers in your house then

(By the way, nothing wrong with buying one early and selling it on on ebay - wish i'd been organised enough to do it myself.)

But to the main point - he has done fantastically well on this one card BUT it does sound as if he has other debts - is that reduction just a drop in the ocean? It also sounds as though he doesn't really believe it's that necessary to get out of debt.

It's only worth ending your relationship over this if it's a Dealbreaker for you - if this isn't about £150 or a RC helicopter but is about his attitude to debt, committment to getting out of debt, a serious mismatch in your values and attitudes when it comes to money, or who wears the trousers in your house. If the helicopter is symbolic of all these big things that you can't stand, then it's time to think about calling it a day. Relationship counsellors will tell you that the three things that make a marriage not work are different attitudes to sex, values and money.

But if it's just a stupid helicopter, then chill, it's Xmas. What do you want that costs £150 that he thinks is a waste of money? A day at a Spa? Highlights and eyelash extensions? Lifesize model of Daniel Craig as James Bond with removable accessories? Off you go and get some now girl, you deserve it too.

Since when was buy and selling goods wrong? It's what Tesco do. It's how most of us live. I sometimes think mumsnet is some kind of parallel universe in which normality doesn't exist.

I haven't been able to prise 4 of my children off the wii since ours came, just about.

I wouldn't worry about the helicopter - who cleaned up the poo?

please explain the poo

he isn't a high-ranking member of the clergy, is he?

thanks smartie, very informative...