An unwanted new friend..

[Katelucywells99]

As an expat in a fast growing city abroad I always try and make an effort when new people arrive in town from home. So when this January 'Maria' arrived in town I took her out for coffee and introduced her to a couple of people. I really didn't mind at first picking her up to go hiking or to the supermarket and wrote off her constant negativity as a symptom of her uncertainty and insecurity about being in a new place.

However as the months have gone on she's not got any better. She runs or puts down or whines about everything. Is dismissive and unpleasant about her husband in a way that makes me uncomfortable and in the same breath talks about how much she loves me.

This affection is not reciprocated and frankly it mystifies me. She's rude to me, doesn't seem interested in my opinions and interrupts me when i'm talking. I am not interested in being friends with her.

I was hoping that I could just phase things out gradually as she got to know more people but she's become increasingly persistent in her demands for my attention. I would just ignore this but a) we live in a relatively small town and I will undoubtedly bump in to her at some point in the supermarket and b) she appears to have a lot of problems and claims to have ADHD, I don't want to make things worse.

I've known her for about 6 - 7 months, whats the kindest way to extricate myself from this? An email? a conversation?

As a former expat of many years I think its worth pointing out that some people are just not cut out for the expat life. If this person isn't, its quite typical for a blanket of gloom and depression to descend on them, sometimes numbed by alcohol, et cetera, if its available. The only proper cure IME seems to be going home. But whatever, she's not your problem, and if you really want to be kind, distance yourself.

Why did you invite her for supper when you're trying to avoid her?
It sounds as though you need to be more assertive with calling her on her rudeness not just letting it lie and not arranging to do anything with her.
I'd go for option a or just being generally cold and brief in dealings with her and if she asks why tell her.
I'm not sure why you feel so responsible for her. Her happiness isn't your problem. She obviously has no interest in your happiness.

no don't send an email or text. no good will come of telling her what you think of her.

simply stop returning calls etc. she asks you why? tell her you want to protect her from your poor grammar and unattractive looks.

I think her behaviour at your house was perfect - in that she has given you concrete reasons to cut ties with her, as you can now point out specific things she has done to upset you i.e. insulting you, being racist etc - which you didn't have before.

2rebecca - you're entirely right that I need to be firmer. I think I just really felt for her because I found the first couple of months here hard.

@eddielizzard - bahahaha - perfect. done!