I don't know what I hope to acheive writing this, or even what I mean. My head is a mess and I'm sorry if this all comes out sounding stupid. I've been married 5 years, we have a 3yo son. I don't know whether I am being completely unreasonable, or what I need to do to make things better.
DH is very difficult to live with, and what makes it harder is there are many ups and downs. Often he will be funny and relaxed and we'll have fun with DS. But it often seems that just when I am feeling happy and relaxed he gets in a terrible mood. Comes from nowhere - I do or say the wrong thing. last night it was because I asked him why he had to nap in the afternoon after he got up late in the morning. Ended with DH screaming at me, telling me I was an idiot, selfish, that i don't understand him. The other week he said he was never going to talk to me about anything that upset him, ever again, becuase I was such a "bad listener". he said he was going to find someone else to talk to becaus he can't even rely on his wife to support him.
Most arguments start because I say something wrong but I don't realise it is wrong at the time. Like saying "what?" because I don't hear what he says. Or because I disagaree with him about something simple like whethre DS should wear a jumper or not. It often ends with his shouting, telling me to fuck off, him storming out of the house, throwing things, DS crying. I try to talk to him and calm him down but he tells me he is not talking to me and will not talk to me and if I continue talking he will not be responsible for what happens. Usually after these outbursts he sleeps alone in the other room, and the next day he is cold and distant. I feel guilty and can't focus. Then he comes round adn everything is normal again. No apologies for the swearing or throwing. I have given up wanting one of those. And it is always always my fault.
I spend hours trying to figure out what went wrong, and what I could do to make things better. I feel so anxious after these fights, which happen like once a week or once a fortnight. But then I think that I am making too much of it, and that everyone fights in a relationship sometimes and really I shouldn't argue with him.
I feel that everythign is fine if I agree with him all the time and try not to annoy him. I know it is in my power to feel better about myself and not be so affected by his moods but it is hard. When he is not being angry at me he is often angry about everything else - complaining, swearing when he drops things, shouting at the TV and otehr drivers etc. I am actually jumping out of my skin sometimes when I hear him shouting at something in the kitchen. it drags me down.
He is depressed, he says, and I beleive that is true. So it makes me feel bad that somehow I cannot be the person he needs me to be to help him through. I can't understand what to do to make things better. I seem to be going through these cycles so often that I am losing my mind. Worse, worse still, better, OK, worse..... what is normal and what is not?