Hysterical Bonding

[janaus]

(I am guessing this will be a longish post, but battery nearly gone, so it might be in 2 parts. Need to get it off my chest before I 'forget' )

I have had a weekend alone, DH gone on a long planned golf trip.

After 8 weeks in separate rooms. Very little contact except basic day to day stuff. I decided try to make it work.
He organised a nice weekend away. Well it was really a family reunion, celebrating the life of Descendant who was a convict who was transported to Australia, turned his life around, and became quite well to do, a respected member of the community.
I told DH that despite 24 years of research, I did not want to go. Did not want to face his family feeling like this and pretending.
He booked anyway, flight and accom for my birthday. We actually had a great time. I think the distraction of the occasion and meeting family members was a distraction. Wasn't just about "us"

My effort was romantic picnic.

Well, basically I HATE sex. Guess one of the reasons I got blamed.

Since all this, I have become obsessed. Sex, sex, and more sex.
Go shopping first place I head to is underwear section, buy some nice knickers and nighty.
Going online, looking at sex shopping online. Don't think I can go that far.
I feel like it is "honeymoon" stage.

Well, weekend away I have also done a lot of reading .. Came across Hysterical Bonding.

[janaus]

summer, truly, I guess its age, habit, dont know what else to do, we have a business. Other than this side of him, he is quite a nice man. Real life people would be so surprised.

[pocketsaviour]

So Beach who are you having all this life-giving sex with? Because you previously stated your marriage was sexless as your DH didn't want it

OP are the two of you in counselling now? I forget if you said about this before. He will continue to use lack of sex as an excuse for cheating, but what can he use as an excuse for his lack of communication?

[Fratelli]

Op, lack of sex is absolutely NOT the reason he cheated. He cheated because he is an arsehole. The majority of relationships go through dry patches here and there. Sex isn't the be all and end all in a relationship. Iliveatthebeach must have a pretty shitty relationship if there would be nothing there if it weren't for sex.

It isn't your fault he cheated. It isn't the ow's fault he cheated. It's his. If he wasn't happy with you he should have spoken up. That's what decent people do.

I'm pleased you've decided to get counselling. Intimacy is so much more than just sex btw. for you.

[wheelsonabus]

Is he being a bit more lovey dovey because he suspects you might want to leave him with the 'love ya' texting? Is that why you think maybe you can get the sex going again?

You know him after 40 years together. If you don't think it will change why not release yourself? You might then find a partner who is happy to give you pleasure so you can enjoy sex. A good lover gives the woman pleasure. It's rare not to climax with a good lover - he'll work to find the button and he'll enjoy doing it. Only ever had problems with a man who is not up for giving pleasure and just wants a quick shag to enjoy himself. That sort of sex is boring and will quickly become off putting because it is not nice.

[janaus]

Ok, just finishing up here. I really don't want any replies.
Just want somewhere to vent my feelings.

I said earlier, that apart from the unfaithful issues, DH is a good man.
As soon as I typed it, the words .. Centre of attention ... class Clown ... Selfish ... Came to mind.

He was one of first boyfriend. A few casual friendships with boys. Not even really dates. Nothing ever happened with any of them, just friendship. I still exchange Xmas cards with one of them and his wife.
This is back in the 70's. I know, before most of you girls were even born.
A very strict, but good mother. I began dating at 17, married at 19.
I was young and innocent when I got married.

I know my mind is a mess. I will soon get counselling.

DH has attempted to be lovey dovey. I did drag him out Xmas shopping last week. Our first trip out together since my suspicions and his admissions. He attempted to hold my hand. I felt embarrassed and awkward. It was so uncomfortable. I don't even know how to hold hands. I let go and relaxed, put my arm through his arm. Felt more relaxed and comfortable.
We never kiss, just a peck on the cheek.

I had even been thinking about revenge. I even looked up male escorts. Someone to take me out for dinner, treat me nice, be seen in public, a kiss goodbye, and that would be it. But way too expensive. But honestly don't think I could.

I am going to look for some sort of forum for seniors.

He asked what did I want for Xmas. I said nothing. But all I want is to be happy.

Thank you again for all your support, and not judging me.
Somehow, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.
We have 3 lovely children together, 6. Beautiful little grandchildren. They are our future.