how do you take REALLY good care of yourself every day

[Lotsofplanetshaveanorth]

Hello

This is not a place where I would normally post but am wondering if you can help me. I am in a funny position in which I am totally drained and emotionally tired. By way of context I am a long way from home and live in dhS home town (beautiful,and tropical but a long way physically and culturally from where I want to be.) I have an emotionally exhausting job and two small people. Once upon a time I took pride in being the stable one in my circle....but this year has been horrific, I am absolutely exhausted from caring for others, we had a natural disaster earlier in the year, my lovely best friend has been gravely ill and other friends have moved away.

I have been tipped over the edge this weekend as SIL had four events celebrating herself and her family. I literally cannot remember the last time she said or did anything nice for me and I have bent over backwards for her (and every bugger else)

I see little point though in asking for help when tbh I can't even take care of me..... So could you pass on rituals for extreme self care? I need to make some changes before I turn into an ugly martyr who is so deeply sad about the lack of care and respect shown by others.

Following with interest. I have a just 2 year old and a 4 month old and have forgotten I even exist as a person in my own right I think! No advice (except withdrew your Christmas invitation!), but I hope you feel better soon.

Blown away by the thought and kindness shown to me on this thread...I think it will help push me from unhappiness to action. Thank you.

My DCs had no grandparents nearby when they were little. And we just had our own little Xmases - though didn't think of them like that , they are grown up now and still insist on lots of Xmas fun, so doesn't look as though they missed aything, in fact there was more time for them and less pandering to stroppy cousins or difficult aunties - or Mum tied to the kitchen!

Make it your own Xmas and sod the rest, it's only you that thinks these rellies MUST be there for the children's sake. I KNOW the children would be happier with a happy relaxed mum.

OP, the irony is, people who bend over backwards to help others are often quite tired and drained and the last one that those they have helped would turn to for fun and celebrations. Martyrs get compartmentalised as the one you go to when you need propping up. And once they start resenting their role, others sniff it a mile off and back away.

First take a few weeks right now, starting today, to look after yourself: healthy food, long soaking baths, exercise or gym, workplace counselling service. Play upbeat music you love at home. Watch upbeat UK comedies and films. Plan one event a week which is your choice, with people you choose - DH or DC or friends/colleagues/relatives.

Don't be nervous of cancelling Christmas offers. Just email round with two or three specific dates: We're doing Boxing Day tea and we're having a New year's Day Open House/BBQ with a treasure hunt for all the children. If you can join us, we'd love to see you. If not, please let us know, as if everyone is busy, we're heading to the beach! Leave it at that. The rest of Christmas is your own to accept or decline invites.

Is there any way your family can afford to fly to you?

Then invite a couple of friends and their families too so if no relatives come, the DC still have a few people to mill around with.

Mrsmolesworth yes yes yes. That's what I worry about I don't want to be a boring martyr! I want fun and belly laughs ... My world has gotten so small of late :(

The sil who had four celebrations this weekend has unbelievably just invited me to a bullshit pyramid scheme make up party on Friday night. I am amazed at the brass neck, but anyway I am not going I am drinking with two gorgeous 20 year old girls who weirdly have invited me to their place Friday night. Yippee.

We have booked something super fun for just after Christmas with friends who live in other cities. DH says we can't cancel Christmas yet but need to at least compromise with a prompt and deadline rsvp. I love him and the dc so am compromising this far. And wondering whether he will stick with me if and when they don't meet an rsvp deadline. We will see.

Once again thanks for the thoughtfulness

We like R4 comedy also have the "tunnel bear" app so that we can watch bbc via iplayer (oh yes you can!) and channel 4 - lots of good comedy and series. I'm sorry to say I agree watching the drinking is important. I gave up about a year into my expat life and found it (annoyingly) a real step forward. I've found, since stepping back into the work arena, that all this calming down has a massive benefit at work as well. You sound really strong to me, by the way - sounds like you can sort them all out to me!

This is a big issue in my life. Ive 4 dc. 2 ds with ASD&ADHD. Toddler of 21 months. Every night is inturrupted by the dc.

Older ds has come from school ill. Tomorrow is restpite day do no restpite yet again as hes sick.

Im begging social services for help but the assessment has been on hoing since September so im not holding my breath.

Exdp moved out last week so really on my own now.

Yet, i know i have to find a way to care for myself as the dc need me more then ever.

Oh peppasnanna talk about perspective. I am so sorry you are having such a rotten time. Hope dc is better soon and that you can have a rest :(