Christmas dilemma (sorry long)

[Stoneagemum]

not sure where to start, I am a single mum to 2 teens, my mum moved 250 miles away this summer. her partner has offered to pay for me and the dc's to visit them over Christmas as a Christmas present to my mum. as visiting each other is not in our usual ability to finance.

My boyfriend(how I hate that term at this age) who I have been with for 3 years has no family in our area so I feel guilty leaving him alone. On previous Christmas's that we have shared together things were ok for year 1 as we were only just dating and I invited him to join my family Christmas so he was not alone. Next Christmas we were a more established couple and he had his son join us for christmas day. Last Christmas his son was with his mum for Christmas and his refused to open his presents with my family(and id not explain tik weeks afterwards that he wanted to wait until his son was with him to do presents)and was generally distant with all visitors on Christmas day but grumpy with the same response on boxing day when his son was with us. there was no previous agreement re how we would celebrate Christmas.

This year we have made no arrangements as yet.. As above I have been offered to go away with my dc to my dm for Christmas. I would love to take my dc to my dm but feel guilty in leaving my bf behind.. I do not want to take my bf with me as he caused me upset last Christmas as he would not think of anyone but himself

In summary, I would love to take me and my dc to see my mum over xmas without feeling guilty about leaving my bf behind. However I do not want to take my bf to my mums for Christmas as he has form for being an asshole

Why don't you just talk to him? That would seem reasonable, before either of you make concrete plans. Explain that you've been asked to your mum's and you'd like to go, but his behaviour last year makes you anxious about him joining you there. See what he says. Surely it's possible that he might have seen the error of his ways and behave differently this time around? I do have a lot of sympathy for anyone who has to spend Christmas without their kids.
Honestly, if him being an arse at Christmas to the extent that you can't spend it together is a regular thing, then I don't think the relationship has much future.

Totally agree. If he went to the trouble of making the entire day horrible then I'd not want to bother with him in future.

It's not the end of the world spending the day alone (this year will be my 5th year alone so I'm not being heartless), particularly as he ruined it for others last year, he doesn't deserve consideration. (Male or female btw, no distinction. We can all choose how we behave out of consideration for other people.)

Go to your mum's. He's a grown-up even though he doesn't act like one plus he's a man and ime men know how to look after themselves - generally. Just my opinion.

Springydaffs, you are the epitome of wisdom...

Aw!

Seriously - unless he was bouncing up and down with excitement with the idea of spending this Christmas with his son, you and your children all together and was making plans to create a nice day.... I wouldn't give it a second thought.

It's his turn to see his son. It doesn't sound like there has been much of an attempt to blend families since last Christmas, if anything your relationship doesn't sound very strong so why spoil it for your own children and your DM.

Just sit him down and say that you have accepted the lovely invitation to go to visit your DM with your children. You will return on X day and it would be lovely to celebrate a mini Christmas/ NYE with him then. His reaction will probably tell you all you need to know about your relationship.