no fool like an old fool

[Feelsolost1966]

Sorry for this but ive got noone to talk to and i just feel lost. Ive been with my partner for 6 years, he's literally the love of my life. I was in a massively violent relationship before i met him for far too long and i was beaten daily both physically and emotionally. My partner literally changed my life, made me trust men again, my kids adored him, and i felt safe for the first time in ages. For the first four years we just saw each other at weekends as we lived 50 miles away from each other and we were blissfully happy. Two years ago my ex husband then had our home repossessed so i decided to up sticks with the children and move in with my partner. He was all for it. We were so loved up and it never crossed my mind that it wouldnt work.

From the minute we moved in with him he changed. He doesnt even hug me anymore let alone anything else. He snaps at me all the time and is so moody and i just keep trying and trying to make us work. Earlier this year i had a nervous breakdown and suffered a bereavement and a week later he just out of the blue said he no longer was in love with me and had completely gone off anything physical whatsoever. Not just with me but with anyone. He was adamant there was noone else and i believe this as he's always here. I was heartbroken but a fortnight later he then decided he wanted to give us another try. I agreed to this as I love him completely but nothing has changed since then.

If i so much as try to hold his hand he pulls away. He just says hes gone off anything physical. He wont talk to me about anything important. I dont know whether he loves me or even cares about me anymore. When i moved in with him my family disowned me and i literally now have noone to talk to. Just my kids. Id do anything to move out of here but i lost my job after the nervous breakdown and i havent a penny to my name. I cant claim any benefits as we are still classed as a couple even though theres nothing between us anymore. I realise now that i cant make him happy and that the best thing for me would be to be away from him so i can heal but ive got nowhere to go and just feel so utterly alone. Im still suffering from clinical depression and i know thats clouding how i see things but i just feel trapped. Any advice ?

I'm so sorry that you've been treated badly by these men
It seems as though you only got to see him at his best behaviour with the long distance relationship and he showed his true colors when he didn't have to pretend anymore.
why did your family disown you? Is there any way that you could reach out to them?

My family are very very old fashioned and didnt agree with me 'living in sin' as they called out and taking the children with me. Since we moved ive had nothing to do with any of them. Ive tried contacting them again a few times but they arent interested, not even in the children so its literally just ne and the kids

Are you living in his property or are both of your names on the tenancy/mortgage agreement?

How are old are your dc and does he interact with them in ways he doesn't do with you?

We're on a joint tenancy in a rented property. The children are 12, 13 and 18. On the whole he's good with them although sometimes he comes across as grumpy and bad tempered as he works nights and its hard trying to keep them quiet if theyre home during the day

Can you find work locally? You need money to be able to move forward in your life. A job, regular saving and maybe six months on you have options.

Has he ended up financially supporting you and three teenagers then?

That might quash my passion for someone, to he honest.

I wonder if he agreed to you all moving in because he felt he had to. Ir maybe, in his head, it wasn't going to be a permanent situation. How much was it discussed in advance?

I also agree that perhaps for him what he agreed has totally changed. You may have gone in to this relationship with your heart and expected him to support and love you no matter what and he might be wondering what happened to the woman he met and now resentful that he's supporting four extra people.

Sounds like you all moved in as it was the easy alternative.

Could his resentment have grown from this situation?

You moved your three children in with a man? That's enough to change the relationship!
Move yourself and them out.

He was actually being made homeless too as he had been declared bankrupt and couldnt afford to rent alone. As we had been in a relationship for three years prior to this and he knew my children so well, when he suggested we all move in together it seemed the ideal solution. We talked about it for a couple of months beforehand and both thought it was the best idea. The children also jumped at the idea. I was working up until two months ago and paying more than half of everything as Ive got the kids here too and it was only fair, but the relationship changed long long before I lost my job. I get that it must be massively hard for him as he had lived alone for such a long time and now he lives in a busy house but he just wont discuss anything and his mood changes like the wind. Just feels like Im tiptoeing around in eggshells all the time