Talk sense into me re OLD man and oddness

[Clacketyclack34]

Essentially:

Met bloke on PoF (lets call him Pillock)
Clicked
Met
Had a further 5 dates over the course of 5 weeks
All going well
REALLY liked him, similar personalities/humour etc
Came round last night to say he "couldn't do this" and would only give "timing" as the reason why
I was pissed off to put it mildly as mere hours before had been complimentary about me, said he really liked me blah blah
Told him to get out my house
Got a message this morning with a very, very long explanation saying that essentially he has a good friend who is going through a tough time and he had promised to support her (fair enough), and didn't feel he could do both (eg continue to see me with a view to having a relationship at some point, and support his friend) HOWEVER he said he said he spoke to his friend last night and she told him he was a complete idiot for breaking "it" off and he wanted to fix things as he had done the wrong thing
Said the truth is that he was sure I would meet him and want nothing to do with him and then he could get on with making wrong decisions as he has his whole life and will understand if I want nothing further to do with him.

AM SO ANNOYED! He was lovely/nice/friendly/chatty/SO funny/my age/totally fancied him (no sex yet) etc. And now this?! Ugh. Yes, how can you know someone at all after 5 weeks, nevertheless there was a connection and I could see a long term prospect.

My gut is telling me run for the hills - please can you tell me you agree?

For background, I am:
A lone parent to DS, who is a toddler
Left a very very EA relationships with ex H last year
Have spent a happy year living in a lovely drama free nice atmosphere with DS
Thought meeting this guy was the icing on the cake type thing. Enjoyed spending time with him and just being myself (which could never be when was with ex H.)
He was very very complimentary re my personality etc and SEEMED to genuinely like me and enjoy being around me.
Totally turns me off that he said nope not seeing you again then gets told he's an idiot and changes his mind - is he not an adult with his own mind??

So much drama after 5 weeks?!? I wish he'd just said he didn't fancy me or something! I have my son to consider in all this. If I said yes to meeting up with him again and at some point it gets serious, what if he pulls this shiz again, at which point (unspecified) my son is aware that this guy is in our lives?

So I am correct to write back a polite but definitive see you later message, yes? Friends are in the get shot and the give him a chance camp.

WhatALoadofOldBollocks

He represents your username

And yes why couldn't he date me and support the friend? Or "friend"?!

Bonkers.

Exactly - I want someone who knows their own mind and isn't bloody bizarre.

I like a woman who doesn't take any shit

I don't believe anyone is so completely unable to manage their life that they can't date and support a friend. He's playing games. But even if he wasn't can you imagine a life with someone so indecisive, so obviously overwhelmed by the slightest thing, unreliable in any situation and easily led by others. Life would be one long drama.

Clacketyclack34 I think you are one awesome woman.

That is all.

Well done for walking away. Yes, he wanted to shag his friend and she said, no thanks mate. (She might even genuinely have said, don't be so daft, what about that nice woman you just met through OLD?)
But he's either a drama llama or a wuss. Best to be rid.

Good call. Bye bye asshat!

"Dear Fuckface,

1. Please go fuck around with someone else's life and thank you for showing your true colours so early you wankbadger?"

Or

2. Thanks for the info. Won't work out. All the best."

The second reply example is probably more appropriate in this case; the first reply is more like something you'd send to your bank manager.

Good decision.

Thanks all! When I left ex H I decided there was no way in hell was ever going through anything even approaching that kind of life ever again.

Thanks for the validation that my instinct and brain are fully functioning in this case. Avoidance of drama is key!

Love this: when does this ever happen on mumsnet? Well done OP, hope you meet someone worthy sometime soon. In the meantime, concentrate on continuing to be awesome for your son.

"The second reply example is probably more appropriate in this case; the first reply is more like something you'd send to your bank manager."

LOL!

"Thanks for the info. Won't work out. All the best."

That looks and sounds good, icily brief. Your post has me wondering why meeting a man is 'the icing on the cake'.

I would think meeting a man is a decoration on the already wonderfully iced cake. I understand wanting to fulfil sexual needs and being intimately close to another adult. But one day, because you sound lovely, you will meet someone as lovely as you.

Came to this thread very late but actually I was in his position or similar earlier this year. Had just starting chatting to someone OLD and things kicked off with ex. I couldn't cope with dealing with the drama and then going on dates pretending how good life was. I couldn't split my mind and emotions that way. So I slunked off. It does happen. But I also didn't want a stranger around me with all the drama going on - that didn't seem fair to them.

Good for you. Even if theories about him being ditched by another woman are wrong, who can be arsed with the drama?