Disappointed in men

[NoMoreMrRight]

Not really looking for advice but after another disappointing dating episode I just feel like ranting......

Been single for about three years and after dating for most of that time. I have nearly exclusively encountered: liar after liar; men who throw insults at you when you let them down gently and in a polite manner; grown up men (40+) who are not decent/emotionally mature enough to send a quick 'sorry not feeling it' instead of vanishing into thin air after a couple of months of dates and being seemingly keen; men who cannot make up their mind but keep coming back trying to reel you in. And I haven't even included the masses of them who don't even make it to a date who think it's acceptable sending an opening message to a woman asking how big her 'boobies' are or attaching a dick pic .... what are we, twelve?!

It's a sorry state of affairs out there. Even when I've given up on finding a partner and joined Fab (a hook up site; a girl has needs!), about 90% of messages came from married/attached men. Refreshing that they were honest and upfront about it (unlike regular online dating) but attached nevertheless and therefore scumbags cheating on their poor partners at home. Since when has that become acceptable?!

I hate the person I've become after dating during the past three years. Once seeing the best in everyone and taking everyone at face value, I'm now instead cynical, distrustful and consider the majority of men out there untrustworthy, immature and lacking manners. Those of you with amazing, kind and honest men in your lives, which yes do exist but oh so hard to find, do hold on to them tightly (as they should to you of course) because they are in the very small minority nowadays.

I think internet dating and porn has turned a hell of lot of men (and, I guess, women), into monsters. DH was telling me about a guy he works with who is recently divorced. The guy is late 40s and is acting like a kid in a sweet shop. Internet dating allows him to hook up with different girls all the time and he has no intention of having another relationship anytime soon. Why would he want one? He can have someone different in his bed any night of the weeks, thanks to Tinder, etc. No wonder STIs are rife.

Interesting couple of articles in the Sunday Times magazine at the weekend on this subject actually. One on men who've given up on women, because they think all women are heartless gold-diggers looking for someone to provide for them, and the other about disillusioned women who are exploring their lesbian fantasies, some because they're fed up with selfish men!

"I want to feel like a teenager again."

Buying a Soda Stream machine solves this problem; get busy with the fizzy!

because I AM worth more than anything thats been offered to me over the last three years

YES to this ^!!

I think yours is an unusual scenario in some ways, but not in others OP, but maybe it's come about due to OLD as someone else suggested. I also don't think it's unique to women - men suffer too. I know someone ( a man) who did OLD for some time and suffered all the same scenarios as you did. ie-women never allowing him to see their homes (so possibly with a guy already), women dumping him by text or not replying to his texts and phone messages, and the worst of all was someone who dumped him in the car as he was driving her home halfway through a 300 mile trip from a weekend away ( think it was 2nd date)

But going back to when I was single and dating, there have always been men who just want 'one thing' , men who say they will ring you and never do, men who stand you up, cancel dates at the last minute etc. Isn't this always how it goes at times?

Maybe OLD has made it much easier for men /women to date when they are already in a relationship because it widens the pool of available dates and if there are women (and men) offering sex with no strings then it's hardly a shock that men (and women) will try it on if that's all they want- they have struck lucky before we assume.

Maybe- dunno- you aren't weeding men out carefully enough before you meet them? Or maybe you are choosing them from the wrong sites? free ones will always attract chancers.

I honestly don't think that human nature has changed that much since I dated a couple of decades back - could be wrong!- but OLD does allow people to create a false ID more so than if you went out with 'John from accounts'. John might still be a cad of course. No way to avoid them if you are dipping your toe in the water, is there?

"and the worst of all was someone who dumped him in the car as he was driving her home halfway through a 300 mile trip from a weekend away ( think it was 2nd date)"

If a woman told me that halfway through the journey, I'd be thinking of a motorway service station drop off; see ya!

Yep. I know what you mean.

I have done 7 months of OD (paid site) in total. I didn't knowingly encounter any married men, but in the real world nearly half of the men who have asked me out or 'courted' me have been married.

Some it only came out later, some were open but their wives didn't understand them/they were only still there for the kids and some, well I know their wives.

Seriously, I despair.

For all my personal issues, I don't think I'm missing out on any great love affair. I am really beginning to think that my teenage self was right (men only marry for convenience and women who believe they are loved are fools)

Folk I SO can't wait to say 'I told you so' when you meet Mr Right

I'm with you OP.
I've given up. OLD experiences have completely put me off dating. Just dreadful.

It is impossible to meet anyone single in my age range in RL (late 40's).

All married. Don't get invited to much (I scare the smug marrieds). So I have very sadly thrown in the towel.

Sometimes I could cry at the thought of growing old alone and/ or never having sex again (I'm a born again Virgin!).

But I have tried and tried and compromised and smiled and gritted my teeth and sighed. No more...

Goodbye to all that....I have ended up bruised and disillusioned by OLD. Like OP and other posters, I started out seeing the best in people. Not a good idea with OLD. Have given up trying to find a decent man and decided to focus on other areas of life.

(Have started taking the pill that was responsible for reducing my libido to virtually nil previously. It's working, it'll make things easier)

OLD has a lot to answer for, it's devolved a lot of barriers and made it easy to be deceitful, ambiguous, honey-tongued and disingenuous.

That said, I met my DP in an online chat room, in 1997, and it will 18 years together next month. Of course, 97 was the dark ages of the Internet, slow dialup connections and OLD proper had not been devised (porn had, but image-based).

Even though I grew up, and was coding significant high-end websites, with the web, the number of red flags that now exist would confuse me.

I'll stay in my little corner, writing erotica, and fervently hoping I don't need to enter the world of OLD. If it's any consolation though, even kink-centric websites suffer the same pitfalls of cockshots, disrespect, charlatanism, misogyny etc etc.

Doesn't make me particularly proud to be male. There are some "good eggs", of course there are. A much greater percentage of utter morons though, most assuredly so.

I've had some experiences like that online. Men ghosting me, only after one thing etc. Then two years in I met my boyfriend and he's the loveliest kindest sweetest man. I don't have any hobbies. I don't want to pretend to have hobbies to meet a man. My boyfriend and I are both boring together!! I'm an introvert who doesn't enjoy socialising with lots of people. Hated meet up. So although online dating can be crap, I knew it was the only way for me. He's amazing and I love him to bits, so it was worth it.

Oh and waves at folkgirl - it's dontcallmehon

Oh I know OP. The last TWO men I thought there might be something there, one just wanted sex not a relationship (even though I thought there was good compatibility) and the second in his late 40s basically admitted that no 30 somethings would reply to him. He wants children, so the moment he can 'get' a 30 something to reply to him, one who isn't 'ugly or fat' then he'd be off. I said, so you're just treading water here right? and he said 'no no I like you......................' and the but you're not 35 hung in the air. FGS. ps, neither of these two was devastatingly handsome or successful btw.

It is like pushing water uphill.

we should set up a new dating website

women who are fed up of OLD because the men are twats/men who are fed up of OLD because the women are twats

could be a winner !

REdmaples tactic of not looking for a man didn't work for me in the 7 years I was single.

At least this year I@ve met 7 single men. But, I am going to have to face the future as a single woman. I couldn't do this to myself indefinitely. Just try and focus on my other goals and learn to live with passing loneliness. Itcomes and goes.

You got to love modern technology eh? People become commodities to fuck.

"slow dialup connections and OLD proper had not been devised (porn had, but image-based). "

I remember the days of Freeserve dial-up and it would cut out every time the phone rang.

AF you could be onto something there!! I know my exh was somewhat disappointed by the quality of women OD (both before and after we split )

pathetic

Look I will gladly accept your "I told you so"! Seriously. Should it ever happen, I'll let you know