How do I regain intimacy in our relationship

[GuiltyPleasure]

Been together for 30 years, married for 20. Over the years our sex life has wained, which I know is normal to a degree, but until last night it's been 3 years since any form of sexual contact. I can't even explain why it's happened. There's a lot of stress in our lives,which doesn't help. I'm on a high level of medication for depression, which has probably lowered my libido, but I don't want our marriage to become just companionship, which is what it had become. I definitely still have sexual urges & masturbate regularly, I assume he does too. Anyway last night, after a bit too much wine I felt the urge, so initiated sex. Thankfully he responded. Without giving TMI we tried piv but it was a bit of a failure, but we both enjoyed mutual masturbation & I feel relieved we had some sort of intimacy. So my question is where to go from here. We're both in our late 40's. I don't want to settle for celibacy & companionship. I want to regain a full relationship. Any advice?

The more you do it, the more you'll want to, so try to seize the moment again soon! For me, if I don't do it for a week or so I start to feel a bit awkward about it, whereas when it's almost expected every day as a default it doesn't feel like anyone has to 'make a move'. I'm sure your medication can't be helping, but you say you both still have the urges, so try and make sure you use them together! And it doesn't need to be piv. My DP and I rarely do that, it's usually as you have said, mutual hands, which can be even better as we take turns and concentrate on each other properly and it can happen more naturally as a follow on from a cuddle.

Drink wine more often! And make sure he knows you had fun and appreciated it.

Aww, good for you!. However any anti depressives can have libido reducing effects a word with your GP if you haven't mentioned it?..

Anyway sex is a very good mood enhancing drug in itself so hopefully:)

The mutual masturbation isn't that bad a thing to start with it can also be mood enhancing and a stress reliever in its own right but best of all talk to each other and discuss the fact that you'd like to do it more and don't expect too much relighting the fire after its been dormant for so long.

And FFS your just in your late 40's that's plenty young to still be having Sex Christ on a push bike when your late 70 's well that when you might be slowing down a bit;)

Thank you. I think I just need to try & get the momentum going again, it's just tricky after 3 years of nothing at all.

Do something together before, that's special to you both, picnic, romantic movie. Feelings will carry on from there.

Book a night away at a cheap hotel, even if you ddtd, it will reconnect you having some time away