Will he come back if he cares enough?

[amazonejane]

I just finished with my boyfriend. Was definitely in love with him, and I think he was with me too. Together for 5 months, but his commitment-phobic behavior was ruining things.

He had a set idea in his head that he wasn't ready to get married (I'm not either) but he just kept assuming I wanted marriage and kids and creating a drama where there wasn't one.

Little things like avoiding meeting my friends or going AWOL for a few days after a good date. This only started once we got very close and it was obvious we were falling in love. Before that he wasn't worried about those things.

I alternated for a couple of months between being patient and getting aggravated and angry because sometimes that behavior would be upsetting for me. It was causing fights between two people who otherwise got on well and I just couldn't continue feeling like I was trying to force him to behave a certain way and decided to leave him to it.

I broke it off a week ago, and while I have broken it off twice before due to this behavior, I missed him, he missed me too and we went right on like we were before.

This time I meant it though, and i didn't break it off so he would change his ways and chase after me - but more becauseI'd rather be alone than with someone who was ruining the present to guard against the future.

I felt he had to get his head together and be either in or out and just enjoy it instead of doing hurtful things to push me away.

I know he left me no choice, but it's so hard when you feel like you've met someone you love being with who makes you happy and you have to break up with them over things like this.

Will he come back to me if he cares enough?

I have let him get away with murder up to now and it's the first time I've really stood my ground.

You know, it's not actually true that men don't angst and navel gaze over women. I mean, I know they are funny chaps ( not like you and me) but men do tie themselves in knots from time to time.
In this case though, I would say he sounds like a narcissistic little boy. I would be angry too if a man I had been seeing a few months insisted I wanted to marry him! And arguments in such a short time doesn't sound good.
Dating is shit, and it's bloody hard to let go of someone you thought was the right one, but you did it, so well done.
Take the feeling of self respect that gave you and add it to your general feeling of being a woman who is worth it.
In general, people who end up in happy relationships are the ones with good self esteem. It's taken me 20 years to realise this, but you know what, it's true, it really is.
Your ship will come in, but let this one go.

The other thing that occurs to me is this: some men have a very rigid idea of the type of woman they want to fall in love with. In my experience, men are much more invested in the romantic fantasy than women, women being more pragmatic, and adjusting their ideal according to the man they actually fall for.
It is possible that your man was in love with you, but he didn't want to be, because you didn't fit the profile.
If this is the case there is nothing you can do but find a man with the maturity to know a good thing when he stumbles upon it, rather than someone wedded to some ideal. That's a hard thing to swallow, because it can feel like your weren't "good" enough for him. Well maybe in his head you weren't (we all know different ).
It's like in Big Bang when Howard agonises over being with Bernadette because he envisaged himself with someone more like Megan Fox...

I don't think the solution here is to go straight back to online dating. You're sad. Understandably so. That's something you need to process in order to move on cleanly.

Launching yourself straight back onto the dating scene is just an attempt to avoid your feelings. Sometimes you've just got to sit with it all for a bit. You don't want to be making the same mistake again.

"Never make someone a priority when all you are is an option"

Maya Angelou