DW leaving me

[Confused1999]

I have just found a chat message between my wife and another man where she talks about leaving new for him. We have two beautiful children DD 11 and DS 7 whom I adored. I can't stop her leaving although I don't want her to go. What right do I have with regards to my kids. Where do I go from here, help please don't know how to carry on.

CAB absolutely do advise on marital issues!

Do they,Offred? My nearest CAB doesn't undertake or advise on divorce, nor are they best placed to do so as the volunteer solicitors may not have the relevant expertise.

In any event, the waiting time for appointments can exceed that offered by local solicitors and on those mornings when the CAB operates a first come, first served ad hoc advice service the queue stretches round the block, despite only the first 10 or 20 applicants being admitted as and when an advisor becomes free.

That said, I live in London and the CAB may not be so overstretched in the provinces.

I'm an adviser at CAB. They are all independent charities and therefore operate slightly differently. They should all offer basic advice on divorce and relationship breakdown though. Some are not permitted to give advice on immigration issues but all should give basic advice on divorce.

We don't have volunteer solicitors. We have trained advisers/gateway assessors.

We have a telephone assessment service or drop in for assessment and we usually can offer an advice appointment within two weeks if necessary. If it is an emergency we can usually see people the same day for an appointment.

We do advise on divorce, it is one of the main things we see in fact. There are limits to what we can do but we can give basic advice on grounds for divorce, housing rights etc

This is useful for the majority of clients who have no idea where to start and as a way of utilising a solicitor's appointment to go through the legal aspects rather than having to start with basic information about rights.

If someone is confident they know their rights already then they may not benefit from CAB but most people we see have no idea how to even begin with the divorce process.

Thanks Offred. You have been a real help. I'll speak to the CAB tomorrow and see how the land lies. After confronting her, I've had denials and she says she'll break of all contact with the OM. She says is all her fault but is a mistake and she wants to male us work. I'm being like he'll but really want to make this work for the kids so I'll give her another chance

You don't need to make a decision right away.

In fact I would advise waiting a bit and giving it a little time to sink in. You will be in shock right now and she will very likely want a definite decision from you ASAP but especially if you think you might want it to work, you need to make sure you are going into it with open eyes and because you want to.

That's a very abrupt about face on her part, OP. What did you say to bring that about?

What has she told you about her affair with the om? How did she come to meet him, how long has it been going on, and how often has she met up with him? Has she given you access to her phone/emails etc?

If she's not made a full and frank disclosure of what's gone on between her and the om it may be that she has no intention of ending her affair and will merely go to ground until he's left his dw, whereupon she'll leave you and move in with him.

Secure your paperwork, get advice from cab, and take it slowly. Lists of hands to help here. You are still in shock, prob.

Your first priority is your dcs. Continue yo love and protect them. Try not to let the atmosphere get yo them .

Lots of people inl ong marriages make mistakes and still stay married and work things out. Where there is hope for that particularly as being male you'd probably lose the children if your wife works less than you do I would soldier on married even if you end up parting when the children are a bit older when they might choose to live with you.

Sorry to hear you have been going through this OP.

I feel your wife will say anything to keep you sweet. By just sweeping all her dealings under the carpet for fear of losing your dc and house you are setting yourself up for more betrayals in the long run.

Your wife will continue to engage with that OM or a new one as the real niggles that started this affair haven't been resolved.

You need to deal with the underlying reasons.

And you need to know where you stand legally and with the dc.

Please get advice and don't just keep suffering.