Never thought there would be lonliness like this. I've dated since January... what's going wrong?

[fedup098]

I feel like giving up today. I was 30 last week and have been single for a year now, after a break up (relationship of 4 years).

Everyone I know is in a serious relationship at the very least... and most are married, planning a wedding and having kids. These are all the things I want most in life, and I feel a bit bitter that I don't have them...I enjoy being in a relationship and would put everything into being a mum and a wife.

I've been on so many dates this year. I've been online dating and been set up with people. I give people a chance as well... but I've not had that moment where I feel sure of someone enough to want the relationship to develop.

I know people will say 'enjoy this time' and 'take up a new hobby,' etc, but I have done all those things. None of them make up for being alone cooking dinner and going to a wedding as a single person or not having that child to tuck into bed at night.

I feel so alone, and it is not like me at all. I'm outgoing and have lots of friends and I am happy with my life... Except for the lonliness that, despite what people say, can only be replaced by love of another man (or woman depending on your taste).

Does anyone have any experience of this getting better or any advice? I feel so empty and frustrated because I have so much enthusiasm and dedication to give towards a marriage and family life.

I've been in that place so you have my sympathy, it makes you feel so low. You just have to keep going. The right man will turn up eventually. Try and stay relaxed and optimistic about the process and not get dragged down by it, easier said than done I know. I came out of a 3 year relationship aged 30. It took me two years of dating to find the right man and within 2 years of meeting we were married and I fell pregnant on honeymoon, our first is due in January.

I feel like that at times. And I'm not even dating, nor likely to for years, so no end in sight!

It comes and goes in waves, though. Sometimes I enjoy having my own space; sometimes I hear of others' relationship problems and am glad I'm not stuck in a bad relationship.

But yeah, a good relationship would be nice!

I'm 31, I've been single for nearly 2 years after a long relationship, I've been dating most of this year and not found anyone who I want to continue seeing.

But luckily I don't feel that I MIND as much as you do.

I'm afraid I don't have any advice on how to mind less, but I highly recommend it if you can manage it.

I had some very lonely times in my early 30's, Like you I should have been having a ball but I was hankering after a relationship. Not sure where you are based but I was in London and that defiantly made it harder, felt like I was living life looking in on everyone else having a great time. Sunday's were tough.

My life improved after I became friends with some gay men, really changed my world tbh, hanging out with really good friends, feeling safe (as they would look after me and not be after anything sexual) and I went onto have some fantastic experiences and a new social life. During this time I met my best friend, he recently married another one of my gay friends and is a big part of my family life.

I married at 37, child at 38. I live out of London now, commuterville but I now have great memories of my single times in the city.

Meant to add that maybe stop dating for now? I found it demoralising, met some nice people but the ones I liked always seemed to have feelings for an ex or unfinished business.

I met my DH on a night out for a friends birthday, almost by chance.

Appreciate the responses and the happy stories.

I just feel so scared and so sad today. I can't stop crying. I don't matter to anyone in a significant way, no xmas presents to buy for someone special, nobody to kiss goodnight.

I have stayed so positive all this year and had some great dates and met some nice people, but today I just feel like i've had enough :(

You matter significantly to lots of people, friends and family no doubt! I really think you should concentrate on being happy in yourself and not putting so much emphasis on finding the perfect relationship. I know it's a cliche but it will happen when you least expect it.

By contrast I'm 30, pregnant but so wish I'd had more single fun than I did and I feel too young to be pregnant - shame we can't swap places

mellow thanks for your post.

I know what you are saying but honestly, I am happy with my life, I enjoyed being single up until around 3 months ago.

I don't think I need a reltiosnhip to be 'happy,' but it doesnt stop that yearning for a baby and a husband and building a life with someone.

The lonliness has hit me hard tonight.

Congratulations on your pregnancy :)

"I don't matter to anyone in a significant way, no xmas presents to buy for someone special, nobody to kiss goodnight."

Sometimes even people in relationships don't have this ideal.

Hang in there i am in a similar situation tho slightly older , i totally get where you are coming from xx

made I know that is true. I just feel like no matter what I do or the hobbies I get into, I am never going to lose the empty feeling.

Might be why a lot of people buy a pet; unconditional love on tap.