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Original poster

my mother is unbelievable :(

52 replies

kittylettekissingsanta · 08/12/2006 20:25

ive just told her that ive gotten her xmas pressie from 'oxfam unwrapped.com' and that her present will provide 100 children with a school meal and will provide 25 people with clean drinking water,

to which she replied 'what im not getting a present??'

and then preceded to moan and shout and declare that shes taking my digital cameara back to the shop, cause im not getting her anything

this woman lives in a 6 bed detattched house, she'll have a fantastic xmas, and shes pissed off because 'some african kids have taken her presents'

im actully crying - how can she be so selfish?? its all about money to her

and now i feel like a n*b, and will be too embarresed to hand out my oxfam-gifts

and havent got the money to re-buy

OP posts:
frenchconnection · 09/12/2006 10:21

This is what our family did last year..we all bought each other gifts for oxfam; trees, water, school desks, goats for a family, etc, and it was a brilliant idea!!
Your mother should be utterly ashamed of herself, she sounds like my sister, she was not impressed with the whole oxfam thing and thought her kids were "going without". Even though they got hundreds of other things without even a word of thanks..
i also got her kids oxfam presents for their b-days as they get SO spoilt generally , and she doesnt talk to me now!!!!!!!!!she does nothing for anyone else, let alone the real needy people in this world!!!

nearlythree · 09/12/2006 11:45

kitty, give your Oxfam cards. If your family look disappointed, blank out their faces and imagine instead the 25 people who no longer need to fear having a glass of water in case they die of typhoid or cholera.

Stick to your principles. You will send a strong message to your dcs about giving, recieving and what Christmas really means. It isn't a grabby me-first thing. It's remembering a little baby born into poverty who nevertheless died when he grew up because he tried to teach others to give all they can to help those less fortunate than themselves.

Here endeth the lesson!

Original poster
kittylettekissingsanta · 09/12/2006 12:10

Thankyou,

Christmas has always been about presents for them, i want to make it more for m children

real giving, and the true story of xmas!

she'll just have to lump it!!

OP posts:
StarrmumofRoyalBeautyBright · 09/12/2006 13:23

AttilatheMeerkat - I didn't get the wrong end of the stick! I know that the OP's mum lives in the large house!

Don't get me wrong, I think giving to charity is highly laudable, and there are some fantastic schemes. But it seems to me that these gifts are often about making the giver feel better, and don't always take the supposed recipient's feelings into account.

Does sound like your mother has over reacted a tad, but I think you need to understand that people do like to get things themselves at Christmas. Even if it's just something small. It shows you have thought about them and their feelings.

You have chosen to make Christmas about the children but not everyone does feel that way and you really do have to respect other peoples' views.

And I still don't understand why you told her before Christmas what you had done - really spoiling any sentiment about Christmas IMO.

trixymalixy · 09/12/2006 13:54

I did this for my family last year and everyone was delighted. Makes a change from getting something you don't really want I think.

You could always make some homemade chocolates for everyone as well. Think she's being really selfish tho.

Tell her to take the digital camera back then if she feels so strongly about it.

Chilimama · 09/12/2006 14:33

I think it's a lovely idea, In fact you have inspired me to buy the PIL's present (school meals and books) from the website.

They bought each other a gift of a goat last year from the site and thought it was a fantastic idea (They're not really into the whole present buying business).

I think your mum over reacted, you were doing something very generous on her behalf. She should have been proud to receive such a thoughtful gift, I know I would be

Blu · 09/12/2006 14:42

Whilst I think your mother has reacted very badly, and rudely, I do think that the crux of charity 'goat' type pressies is that you ask for them instead of a present for yourself, rather than decide to give them to others...unless you are very very sure they will be pleased to have it done in thier name.

hermykne · 09/12/2006 14:42

kitty
make sure you hand it to her infront of her friends and neighbours when shes doing her christmas drinks party and make a big deal about it and see what shes says then!!!

ledodgychristmasjumper · 09/12/2006 15:13

I agree with Blu.

ComeOyefaithfulVeneer · 09/12/2006 15:20

We received one of these from dh's aunt last year, and initially I was a bit peeved as as adults we don't get many presents atchristmas so it is nice to receive something for yourself. I then thought about it and realised that actually there is very little I need and half the presents we get are shoved into a drawer etc and never used so it was a much better use of money than say smellies.

Blu · 09/12/2006 15:31

In all truth, Kitty, would you have preferred that she gave you a goat rather than your digital camera? or was a digital camera the thing she knew you would like?

ledodgychristmasjumper · 09/12/2006 15:50

I think if you want to give to charity , give to charity but it's sort of enforced charity on whoever receives the gift because it's the money the giver would have used to buy a gift for them IYSWIM. It's very worthy but some people would be peeved. As Blu said I think the idea of these gifts is for people to request them instead of a personal present.

DonnerDasherDancerDior · 09/12/2006 15:52

I agree with Blu and 'whenSanta'. IMO, I would only want a charity donation if I had asked for it. I also think it was a bit odd to tell her before the day. I would have spent less money on the donation, and bought her something too. But then I get a bit miffed if I don't have something to open on the day .

Having said that, I think it was very rude of her to react that way.

Original poster
kittylettekissingsanta · 09/12/2006 15:54

id be very happy if id gotten a goat

the reason i did it is because in front of her friends she was giving it the whole ' presents dont matter to me' thing,

so i thought shed be pleased

she was obviously putting on a front to her fiends

i hate giving/recieving presents to adults at xmas, its for children

it makes me feel like the real meaning of xmas is lost,

id much rather adults do this

OP posts:
Original poster
kittylettekissingsanta · 09/12/2006 15:55

plus its not like the only present she was going to recieve is mine!

she will get 20+ other expensive presents,

one present isnt such a sacrifice to help those with nothing!!

OP posts:
Original poster
kittylettekissingsanta · 09/12/2006 15:56

I told her because we always tell each other what we get, dunno why, we just do, (obviously not the kids - just us two)

i dont like surprises

OP posts:
SpookyMadMerryChristmasMummy · 09/12/2006 16:01

Seems that if she lives in a 6 bed house it won't matter what you get her.. if you bought a present she's probably already got one iyswim. Think that an oxfam gift is a brilliant idea and she should be proud to recieve it and proud of you for buying it.

ledodgychristmasjumper · 09/12/2006 16:10

Yes but I still don't think it's up to us to decide that because someone has a six bedroom house they shouldn't receive a present. Yes she is being childish and thoughtless especially if she's receiving 20 odd other presents (you must have a huge family!) However my point with these gifts is they are often going to be taken the wrong way if someone chooses to buy you this because you already have lots of money/stuff/big house rather than someone choosing to receive them for the same reasons.

GlennCloseAsCruellaDeVille · 09/12/2006 16:15

I don't think they do make ideal presents. It could be construed as quite insulting in the I know you won't give to a cause like this so I'm doing it for you..

I'm a bit dubious about the whole fashion for these types of gifts and the easdy package they come in..it's such a marketing ploy. But i suppose it's no worse than people mugging you in the street for a direct debit..I so prefer choosing for myself when it is charitable.

nearlythree · 09/12/2006 16:21

I'm with kitty. Her mother obviously will be getting other gifts. I like the thought of someone giving a charity gift on my behalf. And I don't regard it as simply a donation; it is saying, 'I know you care, I care about you, look what someone deserving is going to get because I love you.'

kitty has already said she'd rather have a charity gift than any other gift.

Blu · 09/12/2006 16:34

LOL - yes, if she was telling friends 'presents dpon't matter' then she definitley needs to be able to put her money where eher mouth is!!

Do hermykne's thing - give it ot her in front of her freinds and she can preen revoltingly

Tinker · 09/12/2006 16:38

Your mum sounds like a baby but I do too hate this giving to charity on behalf of otehr people lark. If I felt strongly, I think I'd request that others do it for me but I wouldn't assume everyone else wants it done for them

anemone · 09/12/2006 17:54

Agree with some posters - perhaps agreeing mutually in advance to give and receive charity presents would have been more tactful.

Troutpout · 09/12/2006 18:30

aww nearlythree that was a lovely way of putting it

doyouwantfrankincensewiththat · 09/12/2006 18:34

had this issue last yr when SIL gave neices charity gifts & their parents complained.

At the time (thinking how materialistic they were) I was appalled at them. Now I've read this I reconsider how I would feel if someone donated to something I had no choice in (oh for instance: countryside alliance ).

I am surprised your mum reacted that way but I shouldn't be. My brother actually rejected a present I gave his daughters & posted it back to me. (jaqueline wilson books as it happens)

Still can't get it right with them, SIL & I wanted to do a car boot/charity shop challenge as christmas presents this year & got told in no uncertain terms that someone else's unwanted possessions weren't good enough. (Obviously they don't watch the antiques roadshow & other such daytime TV treats - though our local charity shops have cottoned on & put the 'collectables' in a separate cabinet & priced accordingly){fgrin]