Why am I such an ice queen?

[sunflowerfi]

I am a single mum of two children aged 7 and 9. Just over three years ago, I finally managed to end an emotionally abusive marriage with my bipolar ex.
Since then I have dated and been in shirt term relationships which have not worked out. I have it in my mind that after the mistakes I made rushing into things with my ex huband that I cannot make the same mistake again. Therefore while I find the single life increasingly lonely and to be quite honest hard work financially I cannot imagine ever commiting to a man again.
However, I have recently met someone who ticks all the right boxes, we have a lot in common, he is attractive, genuine and 'on my level' in so many ways. Despite this I feel I need to keep him at arms length.
How can I move on from the past? xx

Three years isn't that long, and you have deep reasons to keep a level of detatchment. You're doing really well to have got so far.
Have you particular areas you feel you hold back?

How long have you been together?

Imo it's good to take things slowly, so perhaps your slow thawing is a good thing in the long run.

Its a case of not Needing a man, but wanting one. You have DC to consider as well in your choices. Its not easy to let go and trust in your happiness to a new person.
Take things at your own pace.

You're not an ice queen, you're just being cautious, plus you have the added responsibility of children to look after and protect. I was on my own for 7 years before I felt ready to commit to someone again, after ending a very abusive relationship.

I don't think you're being an ice queen. Don't be so hard on yourself! You need to treat yourself well, and then you'll only accept people into your life who also treat you well.

Sounds like you are just being sensible.

You are being sensible here - but you could also perhaps think about counselling to explore some of the issues around your abusive ex etc?

You're not being an ice queen, you're being understandably caution.