I should have listened to you all

[bofski14]

Around two years ago I posted a thread on here "Can a man ever really change". Long story short - whirlwind romance, six week old baby and he was having explosive episodes (calling me vile names, putting me down, anger issues). 99% of posters told me to run for the hills but i was stupid. Thought he could change. Last night he had another explosive episode which resulted in him calling me a "lying pig" and a "fcking thick cnt". Sufficient to say, I'm done. Our beautiful daughter is 2 in a few weeks and I am only NOW strong enough to walk away. We deserve better and I'm gonna make damn sure we get it. So now I have practicalities to sort but to anyone who remembers the thread, thank you and I'm sorry.

Thank you. That is stellar advice. I will be on this. I am going to sit tight and hang on to my home and keep as much of this away from DD as possible.

Not sure where you are but in scotland there is provision for cohabitants and you can seek an order from the courts for a sum, in addition to child maintenance, to recognise where for instance one partner is out of pocket due to cutting back work to look after kids. so a) provision may be better than you think and b) you may not be reliant on your x's good will (but rather an indep judge). Also if you reach an agreement amicably, then as will all agreements you can formalise them and register it in "the books of council and session for preservation and execution", meaning you could, without going to court, seek to arrest their wages etc if they fail to honour the agreement.
I'm a lawyer (but not a family lawyer).

Thank you. That's good to know. I never thought it would come to this but I bet they all say that

People said things to me right at the beginning of the relationship that I didn't listen to. But, boy, did it all come back to me when I needed it.

Sometimes we have to learn the hard way xx

I feel like a terrible girlfriend. I'm just back from a wonderful couple of days away with my bf of a year. We had a lovely romantic time.

However last night we were out and I picked a drunken argument with him. He's saying not to worry about it this morning but I just feel terrible. I'm also hungover which isn't helping.

The argument was over something and nothing but boils down to me feeling like I am lower on his priorities than his brother. But, I'm only his gf of a year so perhaps I should be lower on the list of priorities. I know I am being unreasonable but I am worried that I am investing a lot in this and perhaps this is an indicator that he's not as invested as me.

Essentially brother lives abroad and is over for Xmas. Totally appreciate that he doesn't see his brother and will want to spend time with him. But eg we have people inviting us to stuff over Xmas and he's just saying he can't commit to anything until he finds out the brothers plans. He won't even ask the brother what his brothers plans are - he just intends to wait and see. For example new year - I am having to wait and see what his brother wants to do rather than us making plans. He won't ask his brother what the intention is - he will wait and see so I need to wait and see too.

Please give me some perspective.

Needless to say am cutting back on the booze.

So as not to drip feed we do have plans to see each other on Xmas day - but it's me going to his family. I didn't ask him to come to my family but I think the answer might have been no had I asked because his brother is here. I wouldn't have asked because I wouldn't want to put him in that position. I have mentioned that I would want him to see my parents at some point which he's agreed to although nothing fixed yet.

Meant to start a new thread sorry

Give him a bit of time and I can almost guarantee he will change his mind about the finances. Get it set in stone ASAP x