On the anniversary of when he left

[almostmissr]

Hi.

This is a reverse thread, on the anniversary of when he left me, which is written out in the perspective of my ex. This is his side of the story as he tells it to me (and to himself) and exactly how I know he would word it. I wondered if anyone might read it as I sit here - feeling pretty low and let me know what you think about it?

Maybe give me some analysis? He always made me feel like it was my fault. Like I did something wrong or was not good enough but reading it back I feel perhaps like I was just a bit player in someone else's game?

**

I met a girl when I was going through a painful separation and subsequent divorce (my wife had stopped loving me and met someone else) and we fell in love very quickly. Where my ex wife hadn't wanted sex for years, she was passionate and always wanted me and made me feel alive again and having her made me feel like I could cope with losing my wife. She was pretty and I knew quite far out of my league but she seemed to like me for me.

This girl was 30, I was 35 and she was a friend of a friend so I knew she was great before I even met her. As soon as I laid eyes on her I couldn;t think of anything else. I started to phone her every day and see her as much as I could and I felt like if I had her my life would be okay and I did anything I could to get her. I felt like I absolutely needed her and could not live without her.

I proposed to her pretty quickly, after a year of dating and before my divorce was final but didn;t give her a proper ring as the time felt not right. I felt like she was my soulmate and the reason I'd gone through so much and that life could finally begin with her. She made me feel completely happy all the time. She was kind and funny and a good listener.

I asked her to move in with me (this required her to relocate and give up her job) and she also had a child of her own and so did I, so it was a big step. I assured her that I loved her, that we would be a family and that I would never treat her anything but good. We both wanted marriage and more children.

Once she moved over, my ex wife made a lot of waves with it. She wasnt happy with me having someone new (even though she did and had been with him long before we separated) and she did not want me living with my new girlfriend, so I asked my new girlfriend to hide away a bit to avoid making waves. It went on like that for about six months before we came out in the open with it all. At times I even asked my new girlfriend to go away for the weekend so I could be alone with my DS and not upset the apple cart with the ex wife.

My girlfriend was at home alone a lot. I know she missed her friends and family and her job and I tried to spoil her as much as I could. I arranged little suprises and trips and things to do together. At the same time though I felt too arkward going through the divorce to introduce her to any of my friends or take her to any events with me. I also had quite long standing commitments to a few sports clubs and activities at the weekends with my ex wife; which I continued to do because they were important to me.

I know my girlfriend struggled a bit with the lionliness but she was always happy to see me and we couldn't keep our hands off each other and got on so well with no arguments. At times he'd cry but I'd hug her and she'd tell me that it would be fine and that she was only being silly. She did ask me to curb my activities or start doing some with her, but it was really difficult. People depended on me.

Over time she asked me quite a few times about having a baby together. She was aware her clock was ticking and I'd told her i wanted one right away but when it came down to it it didn't feel right. I was worried what my ex wife would say and that my own son might feel replaced so in the end I let my girlfriend know I didn't want more children and she accepted this after we'd been together three years.

I missed my son a lot in the divorce and felt so angry and sad that another man was living with him now, but my girlfriend was so supportive. She was happy for us to have him every weekend (which meant we never went out as a couple) and she was happy to have him during school holidays too even though I was at work and she had to look after him herself. She treated him like her own, cuddled him and told him stories and washed his clothes and he loved being at our house and formed a close bond with my girlfriend's son so we became a family.

In terms of our relationship I tried my hardest to be a good Dad, good stepdad and great partner to her. I loved her, she was my world and I always told her that, and I loved the way she looked aftr me and made me healthy packed lunches and worried about how I felt. I think I was always there for her too. I couldn't wait to grow old with her.

Our relationship was great on every level from my perspecitive and my only gripe was that her son had some special needs that were sometimes a little draining. I did my best though.

I did love her a lot, and in the end I proposed properly to her after four years, with a ring and all of it and wanted to be with her forever. She wnated to set a date, but my ex wife's Dad got ill and I felt it was the wrong time so we put off an engagement announcement. Then after that my sister got engaged and I didn;t want to steal her thunder. In the end we waitied 7 months to announce it and set a date.

What happenned though is that over a few months she changed. I noticed she wasn't getting dressed every day out of her pajamas, and she was quite nervous and cried a lot. I asked her what was wrong and she said she had no life and was lonely. I would bring flowers home for her and cuddled her and told her it would be okay but she didn't get any better. I was out most nights with various commitments, but when we were together I would have dne anything for her. I wanted her to get out and meet new people but she never did.

Some days I would come home to her crying instead of smiling and with all my stress at work and money troubles I started to doubt that I still loved her. I didn't talk to her about this. I kept teling her I loved her and would never leave her but after about six months of it I decided I couldn't take anymore.

I packed a bag when she was away for the weekend and moved out. I couldn't face her to tell her. Part of me still, loved her and wanted to be with her and losing her hurt me a lot but she was just diferrent and I felt I didn't make her happy anymore and had no idea what to do. I just had to escape.

I got my own house, without telling her, and set up a bedroom for my son and decided to make a go of it on my own. She was devastated and she had to move back with her son to where she came from on very short notice and without a job, so I know I could have handled it better but I was just in a bad place. I just felt like I stopped loving her, that's all.

[BloodontheTracks]

Good to know. Do you know she has a podcast now too? Worth a listen.

[almostmissr]

Yes, I saw than on facebook but have to admit Ive never listened. I love her. She's fab

[BloodontheTracks]

Yes! Ha, well two well-meant pieces of advice from me 1. Give it a try. and 2. Get off facebook!

[almostmissr]

Ha ha. Oooh, couldn;t live without facebook. One of the few who use it as intended. My friends and family are scarttered all over the world (I grew up overseas and travelled most of my adult life) so it's how I keep in tocuh with my nearest and dearest. Also have a support group for women who went through something a bit like me...which has been wonderful. For me that;s FB at it's best....connecting people who you'd otherwise not be in touch with.