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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

wonder if any1 else the same?

50 replies

steffy1 · 08/12/2006 15:00

my dp REFUSES to let me hv anotha baby. have 2 ds (4 & 2)and a step son (5). he just point blank refuses-ive been asking 4 a yr and now its getting to the point of unfairness. his reasons are 'fine how i am' and 'dnt wana get up in nites again'. and thats it! he excellent with kids we have now. i have tried seeing his point of view but i just dnt get it.we have big enuf house, enuf £, etc, he just keeps saying no. im not going to have my coil removed without his say so becoz thats not fair-ive tried patience, niceness, bribery, pleading, everything-even not mentioning it! any comments/ideas/experiences?

OP posts:

batters · 08/12/2006 16:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

batters · 08/12/2006 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

piglit · 08/12/2006 16:29

I don't think Moondog means that the OP can't spell. I suspect it's more to do with the "text speak" the OP used.

ParanoidSurreyHousewife · 08/12/2006 16:32

Cod can spell, but she can't type. Are there really degree courses where "sumfin" would get by? And I shudder at the thought of Chemistry being a course that doesn't require accurate spelling - most chemists are very careful with their spelling! Could have catastrophic consequences if not. But this is all OT.

Steffy - all the children are relatively young and dp may have had enough of these stages - for now. He may change his feelings as they grow older, though this may also just reinforce his idea that he wants to stick at 3. Every child has an impact on the family dynamic, so I don't see that either of his stated reasons are "wrong". I would enjoy what you have for now, and see how things far in 6 months or so.

DizzyBinterWonderland · 08/12/2006 16:38

i'm quite sure the op wouldn't put 'sumfin' in an essay. however if she wants to do so online they hey ho, she isn't going to lose any marks so what, other that making people who hate text speak cross?!

ParanoidSurreyHousewife · 08/12/2006 16:48

There is relatively little that you can portray of yourself in a post really (without making it unnecessarily long). In rl what we see conveys most of the message, as well as the tone of voice etc. Online it is the words we use (and how we spell them). There isn't any need for txspk when you have a full keyboard in front of you, but you can of course be free to use it. But in doing so you are making a statement.

But Steffy, what do you want to do with your degree etc(in the event you finish the baby stage).

frenchconnection · 08/12/2006 16:55

moondog, you're the SALT, no? I agree with the need for people to spell correctly, and i am hopefully going to be training as a SALT next year too... one degree you should actually be able to spell for?! As i will be helping people to use language, i kind of agree that i should be able to use language properly myself!

bluejelly · 08/12/2006 16:59

But what about my ex bf who had dyslexia and got a 2:1 in theatre studies
He couldn't spell for toffee, but worked hard and made a go of it.
Do you seriously think he should not have been allowed to do a degree because he couldn't spell?

(Sorry steff we are going off the subject somewhat)

ParanoidSurreyHousewife · 08/12/2006 17:02

No - of course not. But I assume that he would have tried to spell correctly to the extent that he could? In the same way I assumed that the poster was spelling to the best of her ability.

dassie · 08/12/2006 17:04

dyslexia isn't just being bad at spelling - it can affect sentence structure etc. It is recognised as a 'disability' by universities so extra time is given so the person doesn't have to rush (which can make things worse).

Bad spelling is bad spelling.

Re OP - maybe your dp is right about you finishing the course first. Are you happy with what you are doing or could wanting a baby be an 'out'?

bluejelly · 08/12/2006 17:06

PSH: I am a journalist and spell correctly to the best of my ability at work.
However my mn post are a lot more slapdash!
So I wouldn't make assumptions

bluejelly · 08/12/2006 17:07

I feel a bit bad for blocking up stef's thread with all this other stuff
Sorry Steffy1

shimmy21 · 08/12/2006 17:10

no u gt it rong. the pnt mndg is mkng is on MN txtspk iz not pplr. hr cmmnt wz tunginchk.

ParanoidSurreyHousewife · 08/12/2006 17:12

Yes there is bad spelling - and I occasionally double check some words on my spell-checker - and then there is "sumfin", "enuf" etc. Perhaps i am just the wrong generation for textspeak, but I do find it difficult not to think of Vicky Pollard...

wannaBeOnTopOfTheChristmasTree · 08/12/2006 17:41

have to say that text speak annoys me immensely, but I'll be the first to admit that spelling is not my strong suit, but I do also think that grammar is important, and it is not uncommon for me to write out long posts in word first and to then cut and paste them once I am satisfied that I've said what I want to say in a reasoned and easily readable manner iyswim.

does that make me sad?

StarrmumofRoyalBeautyBright · 08/12/2006 17:48

"just think of us 50yr olds in our polyester slacks...>"

You can speak for yourself PSH.

Nowhere near as good as elasticated crimplene

StarrmumofRoyalBeautyBright · 08/12/2006 17:49

"just think of us 50yr olds in our polyester slacks...>"

You can speak for yourself PSH.

Nowhere near as good as elasticated crimplene

shimmy21 · 08/12/2006 17:58

The thing is - Steffy had a serious point she wanted to discuss that is obviously distressing for her. She has every right to broach this in whatever setting with whoever in whatever language she likes. after all, we wouldn't immediately jump down the neck of someone who spoke with a broad accent.

But, sorry steffy, the txtspk gets in the way of communication. instead of supporting steffy we've ended up having a dyslexia debate because the original point is masked in yoofcode and we've all got side-tracked.

if you want a serious answer from as many people as you can get to read your message you need to write it in a way that most people can read easily and don't find off-putting. Simple really.

wartywarthog · 08/12/2006 19:08

i defend moondog's opinion. she voiced what i was thinking anyway, but wouldn't have the balls to write.

batters · 09/12/2006 08:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

steffy1 · 09/12/2006 09:12

ok I'm aware that my use of language has upset some people. I'm new to this forum (this was my first post), and as far as i know my spelling is fine in 'real life'. Thankyou for the kind words of advice, alot of it makes sense, and sometimes it is better to see things from the other side of the fence.

OP posts:

wartywarthog · 09/12/2006 09:43

...

ParanoidSurreyHousewife · 09/12/2006 10:23

Steffy - I don't think that anyone was upset, butwe are tryign to give some advice. I'd probably just give different advice to say an uneducated 19 year old on benefits than I would to an intelligent woman studying for a degree. I made an assumption based on your post, but that probably says more about me than you.

So, what do you want to do with your degree? Is it in effect vocational and you would then have to continue with a job or risk wasting the degree, or can you take more time out for family.

moondog · 09/12/2006 18:05

No offence Steff.
It's just hideous and turns so many people off.

I hope you sort it out.

santasbaby · 09/12/2006 18:23

"I'd probably give different advice to an uneducated 19 year old on benefits than to an educated woman with a degree"

WHY?? And how on earth can you tell who's on benefits and who's educated (as if you can't be both) just by reading someones post?

In case anyone has forgotton, Steff asked for advice on her situation, and not on the way she chooses to write her post.

Steff - imo, your dh is making sense and being very honest with you about his feelings. He is happy with the way things are and at least he isn't saying yes just to please you when this would cause more issues with you all down the lone when the baby was here. Tend to agree with the post about discussing you feelings with him and agreeing to review how you both feel in 6-12 months time, or after your degree. Good Luck.

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