After years of being in a miserable marriage I have decided to end things with my h. We have a ds who is coming up to 12 months and live in a mortgaged house in both out names, although there's a bit of confusion about it.
When we got the house, h had been left 50k from his grandad, this was to help with a deposit. H didn't actually have a job at the time so his dad knew a lot of banking people organised us to talk to a lady at the bank who arranged a mortgage for us that we shouldn't have really got iyswim.
When we moved h was 'looking for a job' it was agreed that I would pay the bills until he got a job when we would split it equally. He got a job but it was considerably less pay than me so he would pay for the shopping and I would cover everything else. He got better paid jobs but nothing changed, he kept saying he would put money in the account but it never happened.
We stopped going out together, every now and then he would go out and come home absolutely off his face. He never lifted a finger around the house, it was all left to me. If I didn't do it, it didn't get done. He would sit around getting drunk every weekend and not do much else.
We pretty much stopped having sex, it was very rare. I somehow fell pregnant. My lovely dd was stillborn last year 
. This made me forget about my awful marriage and I just wanted to have a baby (I know, awful ) we started ttc and things got better. We were talking more, he was helping round the house and we were getting along. I then fell pregnant, and things changed dramatically again. My pregnancy wasn't an easy one. I was extremely anxious and having panic attacks etc. He never attended any hospital appointments with me and generally didn't seem interested apart from him and his whole family making it clear they 'wanted a boy'.
I had ds and it was a traumatic birth, ds ended up in special care. I was in hospital for a week.
When me and ds got out of hospital, I came home to an absolutely disgusting pig sty of a house. The house was a wreck and it stank. I was in tears as I was in so much pain and had to come home and start tidying.
H has generally not been interested in ds, he hasn't done a single night feed and has never got up with him in the morning. He will 'watch him' for about 30 mins a day at the weekend, less in the week, to allow me to put washing on etc, then he will moan that ds doesn't like him and is a 'mommys boy'.
Before my mat leave I kept telling h we needed to put away money for when I was on smp, h didn't bother and it was all left to me. A few months ago I was made redundant, we had a tax credits overpayment so I am living off £20 a week cb (just put in a claim for ca as I also care for my grandad). I kept telling h that I don't have the money for the bills and he keeps saying he will transfer it later but never does. I have used almost every penny of my savings to cover the bills while he paid for the shopping alone 'on a budget' and brought himself things.
I was going to wait until after x mas to leave as I couldn't bear the thought of arguments over who ds will go to on x mas day. But I can see it all coming to a head this month.
I can see from him coming home having brought things, he has not budgeted for the bills. So they won't get paid.
I don't know what advice I'm looking for, I just needed to get it down.
In all honesty I'm terrified. I don't have a clue what I'm doing. I have no where to go when it ends. I'm scared for ds, h's family are very well off and what if he tried to get custody of ds. Ds gets hysterical around his family, they don't bother with him so they are strangers to him. He doesn't like being with h after a while as h hasn't really bothered with him. And I worry about h being alone with him as he gets frustrated and shouts.
I'm just basically terrified