i think my boyfriend is cheating

[samsamsam85]

Long time lurker but could use some advice/someone to tell me if im being paranoid or not
I have suspicions my boyfriend is cheating i guess these are the reasons why
We dont live together and he has his "mates" over quite alot when his mates are thete i can never get hold of him if i need to even though i can see due to us both using an app that he has his phone with him he just ignores the call, lies and says his phone was upstairs and he didnt hear it.
I have said many times i dont know what the problem is with him answering and saying so and so is here ill call you later as thats what i do and he says he will but doesnt
He has no sex drive at all with me but is quite vocal about women he fancies on the tv and his wild sexual past
He is massively secretive with his phone
My number isnt even stored in his phone as my name he just redialls off our last call as he says he knows just by looking which one is mine ( this makes me wonder if hes not actually with his mates and doesnt want my name flashing up on the screen if i call )
He is on an app we both use untill early hrs each morning and then grumpy as tired but if i say did you have a late night he lies and says he went to bed hrs before the app says he was last online
Last night on the phone to me he was falling asleep talking and said that he cant wait to see me tonight ( im not seeing him untill saturday )
He came round a bit on the phone to say bye and i said he was talking in his sleep and he got really panicky asking what was he saying ( i didnt tell him )
We had planned to spend tonight booking a holiday ( on the phone to each other ) but earlier he said his mate was coming round again but could still speak at some point
Roll forward a few hours and his phone is off, this never happens as hes obsessed with it so wonder if said "mate" is there!

AIBU, paranoid or would anyone else worry?
I have no idea how to prove either way but we are going away for a posh weekend away saturday for his bday and i dont want to spend tons of money on him if he is
Opinons would be welcomed

Don't go away- you'll be miserable. And think of the money too. Have you paid yet?

I have to say a weekend away with all expenses paid is too much. He treats you badly and doesn't deserve it. Say you'll have to cancel due to unforeseen circumstances and then take your DC or spend the money on a nice day out with the DC, dinner out with them and then a nice Sunday lunch out with the DC. Maybe get a cynical mate round sat night?

He's making you unhappy. That's reason enough and he won't change. He might spout some crap about needing time with you ( paid for by you)

Nah. Enough now. Dump, enjoy Christmas and look forward to the NY without him. You'll feel better I think, and have more money for the DC. And you.

IT doesn't matter what he's like when you're away. He's going to revert to being a total twat again after. You'll feel like crap Sunday night when he's gone and you can't get hold of him.

Unless you stump up for Christmas. He might hang round for that. Sorry op, he's not being very nice with you. You need to see your worth and recognise he's a bit of an ass.

Some of the weekend is refundable some not but guess ill have to just write that off if we dont go
Lavender - that is exactly what i worry will happen sunday it will be thanks for a lovely weekend then back to totally ignoring me and i will feel even worse having spent a shed load of money on him
Its funny as why i originally posted as i was worried he was with another woman tonight turns out to be not true at all BUT i dont really feel any better for knowing that, hes still a selfish prick and still makes me feel crap and that should be enough reason not to go
Do feel so guilty that hes so looking forward to it, much as he deserves it to be cancelled i dont like hurting anyones feelngs and have spent so long trying to do so much to please him it feels bizzarre doing the opposite
Maybe this weekend could be a make or break? Or am i just kidding myself???
Sorry if that sounds stupid!

Don't worry about if there is an OW or not, worry about why you are willing to accept such scraps? Look at why you are still desperate to be his GF despite his obvious lack of interest in you - unless you are doing something for him.
It's simple really, you are trying to please him and do things for him so that he will behave towards you as want. This is not who he can be full time as he has no respect for you, that is unlikely to change. You are a giver, he is a taker. There has to be give and take in a healthy relationship by both parties. A person who respects you will be equally attentive in between the things you do, he's not able to maintain this.
To be with someone who will respect you, you have to respect yourself, that means having higher expectations and ditching those who don't meet them.
Why do some people have nice fellas? It really isn't all down to luck, they still met wankers along the way but dumped them quicker leaving the way open for a nice guy.

It's not about him and how he feels. After all, he doesn't care much about your feelings, by the sound of it on a day to day basis, he pretends when it suits.

Its not too late - tell him you've got flu and can't go. He'll probably chance his arm and ask if he can take his mate as you've spoiled his birthday. Twat. He'll be fine, you won't be the first woman who dumps him because he's a crap boyfriend.

OP why waste your time and money on someone who so obviously doesn't want to be with you and l think deep down you know this.
After this freebie weekend for him you probably wont see him for dust.
Man up cancel the weekend with HIM and take someone else with you.

You deserve better

You see him twice a week and get no sex! Imagine how dull life would be if you lived with him full time. I'd move on and find someone better for you.

Oh no - you are a people pleaser.
Stop it right now. You are on this earth to please yourself and your DC not some loser bloke who doesn't give a shiny shite about you.

Cancel the weekend right now.
Then text and tell him it's not working for you and then block him.
He brings NOTHING to the party here does he?

Why do you think this is all you are worth?
What did you learn about relationships growing up?
Were you abused by your previous partner? Emotionally, financially or physically?

You need to learn to spot all these red flags flying in your face far far earlier.
If you are a regular here and haven't done the Freedom Programme then please contact Womens Aid and do it.

Doing "so much to please him" - why? This sounds so subservient......

I was in a very similar position to you a while ago, but we were going for a week away. I felt guilty for wanting to cancel, didn't want to let him down, and if I'm honest I also thought that everything would be okay if we went.

In hindsight, I should have trusted my gut feeling. I know it was for a week, not a weekend, but still, it was awful, he treated me abysmally, nothing changed, he was still secretive and I felt worthless.

Everybody here is giving you amazing advice, please listen..if he's acting like this at home, nothing's going to change, he just wants a free weekend I'm afraid. You are worth so much more

I spoke to him a few hours ago and he slammed down the phone on me so im not going ... was looking forward to it too :(

Another one saying you deserve more than this. I spent four years with an arsehole like this and there were lots of "make or break" times. I was too weak to end it until he really pushed me. Now I'm happily married to someone kind and nice who has never let me down in over five years. You can have that too. You're worth that.

Thank you :) please forgive me if im ranting on here tonight just really cant believe hes done this dont know why though
I guess i thought he would at least try and keep me onside so i take him on this weekend hes been looking forward to
I dont even know if he still thinks we are going or not, ive tried calling stupidly and sent him a msg saying we need to talk tonight but he didnt answer/hasnt read it
Its all a stupid power game
Hes probably sat at his mates bragging about all the nice places im tsking him tomorrow while ignoring the calls

Can you still go on the weekend away but with a proper mate instead of him?

No one is free
Im in tears dont know what to do, he called, i answered in the hope he was calling to apologise for his behaviour earlier but he was calling to say he was going to the gym and would call later
I started having a go at him saying if youre not even bothered enough to say sorry then im not going and he said dont go then and slammed down the phone
I dont know why hes so cruel

You're letting him. Go no contact. Please look at the Freedom Programme. He is a waster.

Block him!

He sounds like a total waste of time.

For the love of God do not go away with this twat. He couldn't be making it clearer that he does not love you. He doesn't even like you as a friend, I bet he treats his "mates" better.

Have some respect for yourself and block him forever!

Nothing in his behaviour indicates he values you... Sorry OP.... But you know that...

You should feel loved and secure....

I really wouldn't go away with him.... There are plenty of people, sadly, who just are interested in someobe whilst they're paying for everything!