Trying to keep it short. I think I just have to find a way to suck it up but it's not easy.
Group of six of us, good friends, same hobby, tend to get together socially every other weekend round at someone's house or cinema and a meal. We call ourselves "The Family". One married couple, four singles.
One of the singles has just started seeing someone and so he's started to come along too. He is a nice guy, which is why I feel a bit of a git about this, but...
He is the reason my last long-term relationship broke up. Not his fault, to be fair to him. But I came home one day to find my ex in floods of tears because she'd heard he had cancer and was having very strong treatment. She'd known him for years and had been meeting him for coffee (which a lot of people were doing to help him through). Turns out that she'd always had a thing for him, unknown to me, and now he might be dying, she basically decided our relationship was over and she was going to support him in his hour of need. She ended up declaring undying love for him which he knocked back as he was not interested in that way.
He, at the same time, declared love for my female best friend - very publicly on a blog he was writing to help him through his ordeal - who had no interest in him. He then wrote that she had turned him down (without naming her) and other friends of his responded that "she must be a cow to turn down such a nice guy, especially now". This understandably upset my friend enormously.
So, my best friend is also in this group. Every time he turns up, she is reminded of this incident and I am reminded of the break up of my LTR. We're both finding it a bit tricky, me more than her. I know it wasn't his fault my ex did what she did, but it brings back a very upsetting hurtful time for me.
Am I being a git in backing off from the group as a result? We're such a tight-knit bunch and they've noticed I'm a lot more "busy". I do wonder if I would mind less if I hadn't been single for 5 years.