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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Pregnant and dreading what OH's parents are going to throw at me

27 replies

Tomboyinatutu · 09/11/2015 22:47

Ok, so we have recently found out i am pregnant and my dp wants to tell his parents face to face so he can witness their reaction, which I think is a good idea. The only thing is I'm dreading the crap that's going to be thrown my way. They are not nice people (to put it politely) and have made my life hell before. I don't know how I'm going to cope if they start again!
Background: they were nice as pie until I fell pregnant with our first child, then his mother refused to buy anything for the baby during my pregnancy because I might lose it, her words and she was off with me (not me being hormonal, it was clear to the rest of the family). So when our DS was a few weeks old he had to have a major operation and nearly died, stopped breathing before and after his operation and it was me that managed to calm him and get him to breath again. When he was in the hospital they were very rude to me and his mum was trying to get us to support her through this bad time (how dare she?!). DS pulled through and we were able to take him home. A couple of days later they come round and she is holding him with his head right back so I politely asked her to hold him properly and that's when the shit storm started. She refused to speak or look at him from that point on. Told her family that I had called her a bad mum, that I told her off, that I said she can't see our DS and so on so I cut all ties. I gave her a chance to talk about it a few months down the line but she reffused and said that I had taken her son away from her and that whatever she has done is in the past....seriously?! So I gave up and told her to stay away from us. I haven't stopped dp from seeing them, he chose not to when she rejected his son when he was still in recovery after major surgery. She has no respect for me even though I have made dp happy and am the mother to her grandchild. Oh and I bit my tongue and didn't say anything to her about the lies she was spreading, I only said something when she rejected our baby.
I'm sorry this is long. Im just worried that she is going to make things up about me again and try to push me and dp apart.
Thank you for reading

OP posts:
tableanadchairs · 09/11/2015 22:51

If your DP is not seeing his Dm and DF why bother telling them at all?

Arfarfanarf · 09/11/2015 22:53

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Floggingmolly · 09/11/2015 22:54

Why is it so important to "witness their reaction"? Hmm Totally needless drama...

Tomboyinatutu · 09/11/2015 22:55

Because if he doesn't tell them other family members will and that would be an even worse scenario

OP posts:
Joysmum · 09/11/2015 22:57

Why would that be worse?

Tomboyinatutu · 09/11/2015 22:58

Because we want to know if they will react bad or finally see the light and realise that none of it was worth them missing out on their only grandchildren's lives.

OP posts:
VimFuego101 · 09/11/2015 22:59

Why? If you feel they have to know, then just send them an email.

Tomboyinatutu · 09/11/2015 22:59

Because they will make sure the crap is full on aimed at me, it will be my fault that he didn't tell them and yet again I will be the worst person in the world

OP posts:
tableanadchairs · 09/11/2015 22:59

Let the rest of the family do the telling. You know their reaction will not be positive and you will be opening yourself to more hurt and abuse. Why put yourself through that. If your DP wants to tell his parents an email or phone call will do,
Who cares about their reaction, it is not important.

Arfarfanarf · 09/11/2015 23:00

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tomboyinatutu · 09/11/2015 23:00

This was pd's idea and to be honest I think he is hoping they will change their ways.

OP posts:
Arfarfanarf · 09/11/2015 23:01

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DoreenLethal · 09/11/2015 23:01

If you are going to get crap anyway, just dont tell them.

Arfarfanarf · 09/11/2015 23:02

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Tomboyinatutu · 09/11/2015 23:03

I'm afraid because I don't want people turning against me because of lies.

OP posts:
ouryve · 09/11/2015 23:04

Is your DP on board with the idea that, if they react as you predict, he needs to back off and not draw them into your life any further?

Arfarfanarf · 09/11/2015 23:05

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Tomboyinatutu · 09/11/2015 23:05

Not all grandparents are bad, my grandparents never said a bad word about my parents and my parents have and wouldn't do it to mine. I'm starting to think we shouldn't bother or at least tell him I don't want to know what they say

OP posts:
MooseAndSquirrel · 09/11/2015 23:06

But your already the worse person on the world to them, so why would this be any different?
I think your setting yourselves up for agro and drama to be honest - send an email if they need telling. Don't understand why you would give them the power to upset you on your pregnancy. Avoid them & their dramas like the plague and enjoy ur son & pregnancy!
Congrats btw :)

Tomboyinatutu · 09/11/2015 23:07

I don't know what do plans on doing. Honestly if I never have to see them again it would be too soon but I think he misses having them in his life

OP posts:
Tomboyinatutu · 09/11/2015 23:07

Dp*

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Tomboyinatutu · 09/11/2015 23:08

Thank you moose.

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Tomboyinatutu · 09/11/2015 23:14

From what you all have said, I think it's best I just stay out of it. you're right, I don't need the stress. If dp does want to tell them I'm not having any part of it.

OP posts:
VimFuego101 · 10/11/2015 15:00

I think you're right. If he wants to tell them, let him. But there's no need for you to involve yourself in it.

Sgoinneal · 10/11/2015 15:20

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