Military wife support

[Rafwifey38]

I am a RAF wife. I am someone's mummy, she is the light of our lives and she thrills us every day with her beautiful personality. I am a much loved wife, he respects and loves me endlessly. We are a unit, a team, unwavering in our commitment to each other. He is based 200 miles away, we manage with smiles on our faces, as that's just what we do.

I work part time, I keep a happy household, including the dogs who would agree if they could. I am a fit, healthy and grounded 38 yr old woman.

I chit chat to other mums at the school gate, we laugh about kids and nod in acknowledgment of another ruined pair of tights or grazed knees. I join our online community but more to see who is bitching about who and, yes, it's always the same names bothering to post or ask stupid questions. I've tried all our social groups, the same young girls with babies rule the roost.

I am a RAF wife. I have lived here 2.5 years, I have no friends. No one to share my feelings about husbands upcoming deployment. No one to pop round to say hi. No one who would notice if my bins weren't put out. No one who would notice if I didn't feel to great today.

I want a friend. Someone to look me in the eye and know I have their back and vice versa. I want a text message from someone who saw the latest episode of Blacklist and wants to gossip about it. I want to be someone else's friend, someone must be feeling like me. I'm normal, I'm giving it everything I have, I'm lonely, I'm a RAF wife.

I think if I'd had DD whilst we were in Germany I would have made more permanent friends, I only stay in contact with 2-3 people I met there. People were so welcoming though, we went to 3 BBQs, a dinner party and a few nights out, whereas here people don't seem to do much with their neighbours. But I have now met loads of people through baby groups, the last year has been a lot better.

Jenny hopefully it'll be the same for you. Say yes to every invitation, I was so nervous whenever we went to a neighbours house but after 30 minutes I relaxed and loved it. I found there was usually a good mix of people, so you'll have things in common with some.

I've been with my army boyfriend for five years and he's lucky to have stayed in NI, having applied for and extended postings here. We've been very lucky and it's enabled us to have a much more "normal" relationship over longer timescales than you usually see in the army.

We're now thinking about buying a house together but I'm still in no rush, whereas I've see more than one of his colleagues meet someone, get married and have a baby in 18 months. Works for some but when you combine that with tours, duties and general forces fuckaboutery, plus moving every few years, then it's going to be hard work and something's got to give. Unless your partner is understanding and content with that lifestyle (and it's a big ask) then you're going to be pulled in two ways, and you'll eventually have to pick between your career in the forces or your family. And they lose a lot of good, experienced, committed and highly trained people because of that. It's completely nonsensical because of some notion that "comfortable soldiers don't want to go to war". So instead they're happy to pay families to schelp their belongings around the country, pay allowances for those stationed away from their spouses, travel home, plus whatever the cost is for looking after the mental health of those going through marriage breakups, instead of just letting people have a bit of stability.

They're asking people to move to another unit here and there's a sweetener of a 4K bonus plus pay rise. DP is not the only one who has said they could keep the bloody money if it meant he was guaranteed another 4or 5 years in the same place. Sorry to go on OP, it's just this aspect really, really fucks me off.