Whose DP/DH is mentally ill?

[feelinblue]

How do you deal with it?

My H has depression, an anxiety disorder & is being tested for schizophrenia again.

Much as I love him, I find it really hard to be sympathetic when his depression/ anxiety is really bad. I know I need to be supportive but he becomes so distant & selfish, sometimes really nasty, I lose my patience. I know it makes things worse & I don't want to do that. I have suffered with depression in the past so have some sympathy but it's so hard to cope with.

Any tips?

Peachy

I have to do that to my partner.

When he's really bad, i have to tell him everything that he has to do.

I even have to tell him when to take a bath!!

Sounds awful, i know, but when he's bad, he's really bad!!!

Thanfully it's not like that all the time.

He always calls me Bossy Boots!!

LOL at Bossyboots!

Peachy, my H has been suicidal several times and it scares me so much. He hasn't actually done anything, thank goodness, but that must be awful. I really like what you said about how you cope with it all. I know my H is not the man I married. The big problem I/ we have is that he doesn't believe he can be that person again. He thinks that who he is now is who he will always be. I find it really frustrating that he doesn't seem to want to change. I know it's all part of the illness but ... aaarrgh

Maltesters - what's disassociation order?

all this sounds so familiar!

my dh also feels "this" is who he is now. mind you, i don#t think he will ever be the man i married again because this illness has changed him.

but i'm not the woman he married either and we all change as time goes by.

hard to convince him that he can be the happy again tho.

when he's bad i have to insist on showers and clean underwear/clothes as well. it's all part of the worthlessness thing.

how are you FB? sorry keep missing you on Y, busy week!

Only just skimmed the thread but just wanted to echo Peachy's thoughts about her and her children being 1st priority.

Sometimes if it's indulged too much depression can be a bottomless pit of impossible needs and wants for the people around the sufferer. This is why I always advise people to take responsibity for themselves and take anti-depressants as a 1st resort not a last resort. You can go on swinging madly from highs to lows indefinatley and it's just too exhausing for those around you.

Dh is very different to the man I married, hes 'broken' I guess. He's convinced that a new job will help- I think it will (he works nights which is BAD if you've depressive tendencies) but it will mean I lose my little once a week mentoring job because of childcare anfd that keeps me afloat, so I can't quite be happy that he has an interview booked. It also threatens Uni, as we have compulsory work experience for 4 weeks in the spring. No-one is going to take the boys for just 4 weeks when everywhere has a waiting list, and we have no family close.

But I KNOW it will help him.

He doesn't seem able to see beyond his own needs, hasn't in yers really. I know I'm lucky: he's doing the housewor right now, for example. But he gets blinkers on and thats it.

It is ahrd being in our family at time though, with me studying and two of three boys have sn- one diagnosed, one not. So I can see why he would retreat.

And tomorrow I have my first evening out for 5 years , even if I have to back for 9.30 ( he can't get time off in December)

peachy, that sounds so tough for you.

know what you mean when you say your dh isn't able to see beyond his needs. mine is very often the same. i know what an effort it takes for him to even ask how i or dd is doing.....

are you at uni? is there a nursery or creche there? a friend is starting study next year and is amazed at the childcare available for her.

wish i could offer some fab advice on how to juggle things so that you can keep your job and get some childcare etc but............

have you got a gumtree locally? you may find someone who can do a 4 week slot for you on there.....

sorry, not being much help!

don't worry not looking for advice, just raqnting LOl

I am at uni but two of my boys are too old for the childcare, not usually an issue except for the worke xperience.

Dh ahs actually taken it on board and is trying to keep an eye out for a job that fits.

sorry about lack of punctuation- fancy dress tomorrow and just painted nails black LOL! (come in the theme of your course, I'm going as a stereotype Pagan)

lol, rant away!

i am now very intrigued about what you're studying!!!!

right, well better go an rescue grandparents from dd as i can hear her stomping around downstairs so i can no longer lurk up here pretending i am working LOL

enjoy the party!

'broken' is such a good way of desciring this - H feels that way and I think he is too. The difference is I have faith that he can be 'fixed', perhaps not to exactly who he was before but that he will be able to be happy & enjoy life again. I jusy wish he felt the same.

The job situation sounds tricky, Peachy. We all want what's best for our DP but if it means losing something that helps us survive, that's not much fun. I hope it works out well for both of you.

I hope you have a wonderful evening out. You really deserve a break.