I am not too sure whether to post this in this section or money, so if I am posting this in the wrong section please let me know.
I have been seeing my partner now for 5/6months, he is 48, myself 40. No children on either side. He has been married twice, myself not. I live on my own, own house, car and work for myself and secure in my job, bills paid for and independent in that sense. My partner in his job 20 years and its very secure too.
Now, my partner when divorced last year didnt secure his deposit for his house with his ex wife, so lost that, then split their house and made £40k, but couldn't afford to buy a house himself so had a shared ownership, government scheme taken out to help, even though he had a deposit but also had to owe his parents £10k in the process from the divorce too.
He earns good money, but he has 2 cards in debt, a car he spent £13k on (porsche) to do some work on but his car wasn't even worth that when he bought it 5 years ago and lost a great deal from it..
He wanted to move in with me, both suggestions in Jan 2016, but he cant rent his place out because its shared with the government, plus he wanted to contribute to food only when living with me but I felt this wasn't enough. (hope that didnt sound unfair).
I have become, over the years, quite strict with money, because I was with someone many years ago who took advantage of my kind nature, he was more of a gambler in that sense and I was so stressed I ended up resenting him and left him. I really worry about security more since that relationship and have worked hard to get where I am now. My partner now as lovely as he is, feels to me more like a child not taking responsibility and his dad even admits this to or gives him a grilling at times.
We have now agreed to live separately and see what happens. I won't move in with anymore, more so buy unless he is on the same page as me responsibility wise. He wants to marry too, I have now declined in this area because I feel we aren't on the same page related to money and he just wants to get married when I think live with someone see how that goes and off you go, why get married again a third time? he says it makes him more secure or the relationship, personally i am not sure about that.
So do you think I am being overly sensible here, its like I have become very black and white in my thinking.
i have come from a very secure background with my family and take on full responsibility for many things. I thought he was the same when in fact each month I keep getting more and more worried or frustrated as now he has just had to fork out £2000 for his porsche and his dad said, you need to sell it, that to me is obvious but put him in a mood as this was his happiness now screwed. I think, practical cant afford it, wasted £13k on a new engine and everything else but has now come to terms with changing his car.
He is 48. I am still thinking of family perhaps in 2 years max, my other worry is mortgages as its harder once you are older if we bought together.
I would like to move next year to a 3/4 bed because of my business, but I am thinking now its best to move on my own rather than take a risk as i could afford separately.
So any advice as I feel I am being very strict here?
thank you so much...
worried one over here....
xx