Hi
I've name changed although rarely post,I don't want this linked to my other posts.
I am very unhappy in my marriage, I don't love DH anymore, I know that I am currently depressed and should probably get some help.
What do I do? Where do I start?
I work part time, have large debts, currently a third of my income pays my existing debt.
We have separate finances but he is also in lots of debt. We rent where we are, both on the tenancy he pays all rent and bills I pay food and all car stuff mainly.
I don't know if I can afford to move out and not sure where to go. Logistically it would be better to stay near DDs school, but it's expensive to live here and smaller rental properties are rare. I have a network here that would be useful if I were to go it alone.
I've just been staying because he's not a bad man, not violent, no arguments but a huge lack of communication and he does very little around the house. We co-exist in the same house. Separate rooms and spend evening apart working or if in the same room usually doing different things. Most of our time is spent at work or looking after our child separately. We rarely do things together and if I'm honest I actively avoid time together as a family these days.
Having been raised in a single parent family it's not what I wanted for my child, although I increasingly feel like I'm doing on my own. I feel like I have failed as a parent and a wife. I don't see that I can make this work but I feel I'm stuck in a kind of limbo.
I could possible work full time, there are likely to be jobs available, although I'm happy where I am and have suffered work related stress before, which I don't get so much where I am so I am keen to stay. Working full time would have lots of implications for wrap around care etc.
I have few RL friends and am probably worried about being judged in all honesty.
I know I can't go on like this but I feel paralysed into knowing what I should do. I think DH is just ignoring it all. He has seen how unhappy I am, would have to be completely stupid to think everything is ok. I think he feels as stuck as I am, although I think he probably still has some feelings for me.
Any attempt at a proper conversation results in me in tears and him in a huff. I have tried letters but never have the guts to give them to him. I know I am pathetic, I know I just wish it would all go away, but I can't leave DD.
I need a kick up the bum and some practical advice really.