I really need some advice (please), I've been lurking on the forum and seen how supportive you can be.
I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, but this has been such a difficult and trying year. We both met at uni and he struggled with the additional attention from ladies then. Now we are working and have moved on from that part of life, we still dance around the same subjects.
He cheats, he cheats, he bloody cheats!
I thought it would stop, but even if it isn't sexual its emotional and he lies so much.
I love him, I really do and its been difficult.
Late last year, I decided I was fed up of waiting for him, sick and tired of not being enough, so I had an affair with a guy at work (ended shortly after).
He found out and was shattered, he claimed that he was ready to propose and I had ruined it. We split up, while we both tried to move on, I stayed single. He seemed single, or so I believed him. Turns out he had been dating the same girl since 2013 and gotten her pregnant!
I was shattered, they decided not to have the baby and he wanted to try again with me. We decided that we were both imperfect and would try again.
I moved back in and I was subjected to nights were he wouldn't come home and general disinterest. I feel so bad for cheating, I know there would be a penalty for this, but I'm fading fast from this. I really love him.
Last week I confronted him and asked him to leave her, he said he couldn't do it unless we moved. He said he doesn't love her.
I don't understand what is going on with him. He is struggling to leave her, why am I not good enough, why doesn't he ever pick me?
I've never loved someone like this, when its good, its amazing and when its bad, its awful.
Am I living in a fantasy land where he changes and we live happily ever after or is the relationship damaged beyond return???