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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Wedding Woes?

14 replies

Honeybeam · 08/11/2015 18:01

I'm getting married at New Year. Been together nearly 3 years, live together etc. I am in bits because I feel nervous and frightened now. I don't know if it is because of all the "pressure" of everyone "watching"?
I'm so scared. I've not been as loving with my DP and I'm worried that I've gone off him and it's all going to end in divorce. What's wrong with me? Should I call it off? I feel like a stupid idiot and embarrassed for even posting this. Hope this is the right place to ask for advice.

OP posts:
Hughpughbarneymagrew · 08/11/2015 19:14

When you think about your fears, are they more about "the day" or are they also about your future together?
Are you scared about just getting married? How do you feel about the idea of being with your DP long term if marriage were taken out of the equation?

Im0gen · 08/11/2015 19:17

Don't be embarrassed to post here .

Do you know it's ok for your to call off the wedding if you are not sure you want to marry him ?

Original poster
Honeybeam · 08/11/2015 19:40

I'm sorry I feel so guilty because so many people post that their relationships have broken down due to affairs etc. Here I am being selfish because I'm scared about marrying someone who loves me :/

I can happily see myself living with DP long term & having chn. But I feel so worried about this wedding. Only 15 people invited but I didn't want anyone because I feel it isn't their special day, ifyswim. Only have invited due to need it witnesses/ don't want to leave close relatives out. I suppose I just need some reassurance. Sorry if I'm being so pathetic right now. No one IRL to share this with.

OP posts:
ALaughAMinute · 08/11/2015 19:43

Don't marry him if you are having second thoughts.

CharminglyGawky · 08/11/2015 19:54

If you love him and are happy with the idea of spending your life with him and having children with him ect then it is probably the pressure of the wedding getting to you.

I'm getting married in 2 weeks, this afternoon we spent some time yelling at each other over something silly which is not like us at all, we very rarely argue! I also have a small wedding about 20 on the day and minimal planning, still it is a big thing and seems to take up an awful lot of my time! I think it is normal to feel a bit odd about it!

If you have doubts about him being the right person for you to marry then don't, or at least postpone it.

fluffysox15 · 08/11/2015 20:16

Google sheryl Paul, conscious transitions. It will all make sense and believe it or not this is very common

Original poster
Honeybeam · 08/11/2015 20:27

Thank you for your help everyone. Flowers

OP posts:
Im0gen · 08/11/2015 23:32

You don't have to marry him because he loves you. That's not a good enough reason .

Do you love him ? Will he make a good husband and father ? Does he treat you well ? Can you see yourselves spending the rest of your lives together ?

You are not pathetic and it's ok to have doubts

LizardBreath · 08/11/2015 23:49

Hey, I get married in December. Been together 10 years so pretty serious now! However, also get jitters. its weird, see us being together forever but the wedding does give me odd thoughts. It's common I think, and maybe a reaction of people that haven't always dreamt of big wedding / day possibly? Anyway I KNOW I am marrying right person and hopefully you do too but the general stress of it all gives odd thoughts I think.

Drew64 · 09/11/2015 09:40

This sounds like wedding nerves to me and no amount of support will stop you feeling like this.
I will be ok! If you have love, trust and commitment, it will be ok!

My advice, unless you have a reason to be on this page in particular, try and stay away from the LTB an divorce posts

Boozena · 09/11/2015 12:26

It sounds like nerves for the day to me, you can see yourselves together in the long term and having little ones so that's a good sign :-)
I wasn't at all nervous until the morning of my wedding where it hit me. I was walking down the aisle with 60 pairs of eyes on me in ridiculous high heels but it was fine! Can you speak to your dad/bridesmaid/close friend or just someone attending the wedding that you like and get some support?

Marilynsbigsister · 09/11/2015 14:48

This is definitely wedding nerves, you have posted very eloquently of your feelings for dp and you seem pretty sorted that he is 'the one' so if you are sure it's the wedding rather than the marriage, you will be fine but do talk to your bridesmaids. It's their JOB to calm the bride.

Finola1step · 09/11/2015 14:55

I can truly empathise.

When I got married, there was 12 of us, including DH and I. I found the whole thing very stressful. I'm not a bask in the limelight kind of person. It was really hard. I wanted to be married to dh but couldn't get my head round the whole wedding thing.

Nearly 10 years on and 2 dc later, we are happier then ever!

So the big question is... Do you want to be married to your dp? If the answer is yes, put this down to wedding nerves.

pocketsaviour · 09/11/2015 15:38

I was an absolute mess in the run up to my wedding, lost my rag with my H, with DS, colleagues. Can't even remember the night before the wedding, I was just in a rictus of terror. I didn't have a single doubt about wanting to marry my H, I was just terrified of the day. Had to just approach it in the end as an ordeal to be endured but with a reward at the end. Also made plans to go out after all the reception do-dah and just have a quiet meal with our closest friends afterwards to relax and actually celebrate.

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