I really need someone who understands

[bryshenners]

I'm currently 14 weeks pregnant with baby number 3 with the same partner. Our second is nearly two and a half and after having our firstborn, I struggled with postnatal depression. My partner never really got my depression the first time around, we always argue, I shut myself off from everything, I felt helpless and couldn't cope with any aspect of my life.

I had to come off the antidepressants during my second pregnancy and things have gone downhill ever since my daughter was born. Don't get me wrong I love my kids more than my own life but I don't even recognise myself any more.

Earlier this year I lost my grandfather, despite loving him dearly, I never really knew him. My mother and my paternal grandparents didn't really get on well and as a result I didn't have a close relationship with them. When my grandad died, I couldn't grieve properly, I had to continue working, my partner wasn't ever there to talk to, money worries adding to the plate, even my uni course was getting to me.

So when I found out in August that I was expecting again, I had already made the decision to keep the baby because I don't believe in abortion but my partner doesn't really talk about it. He hasn't been to any of my appointments or scans because of the high demand of his job, money continues to be an issue because of him and my other two children have speech and language problems that I have to sort out because I don't have any support.

I can't sleep properly, I keep waking up a lot during the night. I have to force myself to eat meals just because I'm carrying a baby and don't want any complications or health risks to my child, I get teary eyed when my partner calls me a miserable bitch despite me telling him that I feel depressed and even if my kids don't do anything terribly wrong, I snap at them and shout like it's world war three they've started.

I don't know what to do, my GP isn't open until Monday and my partner keeps losing his rag with me.

Oh my goodness, nobody can cope alone like that.

Are you still doing your uni course? Is it realistic to complete it?

You need practical, emotional and medical support. Please open up to your midwife. Are you in touch with your local children's centre or homestart?

It sounds as though you should re-start the antidepressants and see a specialist in perinatal mental health.

And check out the MN Special Needs - Children board for advice and support.

im a bit confused is it your parents that you don't get on with?

And is your husband stressed or just a bully? It sounds like he's making things harder for you. Does he help with the dc?

I think when you feel stronger you should do the Freedom Program or speak to an Independent Domestic Violence Advocate - again your midwife should be able to signpost you. Or your GP.

OP

to you OP, you sound like you are struggling immensely with some bloody difficult experiences. You're absolutely right to go to your GP, that is the first important step in getting the support you need and deserve.

Handywoman says some really sensible things.

In terms of getting through the weekend when you can contact your GP/midwife, what are your plans for tomorrow? Can you factor in any pleasant/calm/nice activities, either for you on your own (i.e. can someone have the kids for a few hours for you) or with your kids? Just in terms of having a low-stress day.

When you mentioned in your post 'GP isn't open until Monday', I read that as you having decided that it's time to seek help. Try and see that, having made that decision, you've made a really important step and things will get better from here on in.

Keep posting though. Wiser birds than myself will be along shortly x