christmas...ARRRGGHH...and mums.

[SHHHHsantaiscoming]

Im 32 weeks pregnant so once christmas arrives I should be around 4 weeks off having our 2nd addition to the family.

Every year since dh & I have lived together (7 years) family have (parent and pil) come to ours either for christmas dinner or a buffet at night or both.

PIL never come to ours as fil is the type who wants to cook his own christmas dinner etc. Fine..given issues we have had with them this year their way of celebrating christmas is fine by me.
My parents usually come to ours as my sister is so unreal and NEVER asks anyone to her's and her dh's. Choosing the celebrate it alone..Fine.

WELL i really can't be arsed with a houseful on the day, either during the day or at night. Last year was dd's 1st christmas and although she was up at 5am and in bed at 7pm we still had guests at 2am... Nooone can take a hint in our family.
We have told family that they are welcome to see dd for a hour or so during the day BUT have told my parents inparticular that we are having our own "family" meal.Thing is mum is making me feel really bad..Im sure she thinks I will change my mind (thing is we usually do out of guilt iykwim) BUT I don't want to give in. I have asked my sister if she could invite them there and she replied "they are big enough to look after themselves"..Oh thanks.!!!

I just feel that it always dh & I who have to entertain family and with dd family only visit to see her. IYKIWM..I don't see mum making my sister feel bad for not asking them there..Mum just says "Oh thats their choice" and nothing more is said..I on the other hand get the guilt trip. .

Since having dd I have gone through alot. PND,major arguments with my il's and just the reality of being a mum. I know I have changed BUT i feel I had to.
Last week I got the sob story from mum saying "Me and your sister think you have changed..you are not as loving and are quite hard blah de blah" LOL my sister apparently even showed mum how I now "hug" them... I just feel that all of this has come around because I want to have christmas with my immediate "family".

Is this a crime..???

No it's not a crime and you have my sympathies. Funnily enough I've had the 'you've changed, you've become so hard since you went back to work' thing, I can't see what people hope to achieve by that comment. I think they just can't cope with you HAVING AN OPINION and WANTING YOUR OWN LIFE!!
With small children it can be a nightmare having people over for an extended stay, it's not them who has to cope with a child with a disrupted routine who may then be grumpy all the next day.
Try not to feel guilty, I know it's difficult. I did throw into the pot (last year) 'But I do have 2 brothers' when they have never ever invited my mum to theirs at Christmas. Mum has quoted that a couple of time so it must have sunk in somewhere.
It's your home and your little family now. Try to stick to your guns, girl!

thanks happystory. Thing is the guilt is so bad and like always dh & I get to days before christmas and end up saying to my parents "oh you are welcome to come". Out of pity...

Dh's parents still have his brother around and his nan so its not as hard for him to not invite them iykwim and as I said before they only come for the evening do although last year did pop around during the day for dd as well.

Its just the comments that mum made last week that have shocked me slightly. I explained to her that following counselling I had to change or I would get deeper and deeper into pnd and being pregnant was not helping that side. Says she understands now but I don't think she does..mainly because the "comments" and repeated questions are still there iykwim. DH says yes I have changed BUT for the better as im stronger and also he disagrees with the fact that I am less loving. Bless him he said " I was the most loving person he knew" and it was even greater to see with dd. Said maybe mum can't get around the fact that my love is now expressed with dd.

Thing is I am getting less and less able to tollerate my mum.. Just feel she is putting on me for herself and not thinking of others.