I think past history may be winding me up and colouring views. In brief, very brief, DH has had lots of counselling due to his relationship with his parents and how it's influenced, and still is if you ask me, almost every aspect of his life. He feels extraordinarily guilty if he doesn't please them / things don't turn out how he thinks they want them to / everything doesn't go to plan if they are involved. (Eg he got very annoyed with me one Christmas as I spent two hours on the phone to a good friend whose wife had died two months earlier because I wasn't sitting and playing games with his family 'and mum and dad', but then apologised for being in another room when I came back in which was also 'not nice for mum and dad as nobody wants to hear about people dying of cancer at Christmas' - I only mentioned it briefly, to explain why I had been out the room so long as otherwise it would seem rude. - there are hundreds of similar examples)
His brother is having a bonfire party tomorrow, he's staying overnight, and I can't go as we can't take the dog (and there is nowhere for her, the dog, to stay.) DH has told his parents he's going, and his family are all going to be there. If he tries to put DS (3) to bed it all goes pearshaped, lots of tears and hysteria, so I always do it (he's a brilliant dad in other ways) and after several 'dry runs' this week it's not got any better so the original idea of DH taking DS to the party has been shelved. We are working on the bedtime thing but this weekend is too soon. (There will be lots of noise etc too, which could make it even more difficult, all his nephews and nieces are in their 20's and sound carries in the house.) However, the dog is terrified of fireworks, there are lots going off around here which is also likely for tomorrow, and I'm at home alone with DS. If the fireworks wake DS, likely, I am then struggling with the terrified dog and wide awake possibly freaked out child (dog can't come upstairs due to the cat, but I don't want DS downstairs instead of in bed.) But, DH won't cancel or come home earlier (it's 90 mins away, and his family are arriving 'for lunchtime') "because mum and dad are going" and he "can't let them down"
I realise I might be being a bit PFB and really if DS cries it won't kill him, but DH being so inflexible because it's all about his parents is winding me up! He also doesn't want 'mum and dad to have their evening ruined' because he's upstairs a lot with DS. (But, as I say, this might be more due to previous history and the lengthy counselling and anxiety issues.)