I have just left a long term relationship. This was a long time coming. I knew I was very lonely and unhappy, but, until he had gone, and I found MN, I had no idea I had suffered EA on a grand scale.
I had never met a man like him before, controlling and bullying one minute, crying and begging next, mind games, manipulation, sometimes all in one sentence ! The suicide attempts were the breaking point.
I thought he was a one off until I came on here.
I knew it wasn't normal, but thought it was just how he was.
When he left ( forced), I went into shock. The intense nature of our relationship, and me constantly trying to block his next game, left me completely lost. I couldn't stop crying ( which I never do ), I couldn't eat, sleep or make any sense of anything.
My head was pounding all the time, and I couldn't even explain which emotion I was feeling at any one time.
He disappeared under a rock, and so I went from a barrage of mind games, constant babbling, phone calls and orchestrated (attention seeking) crisis to absolutely nothing. Silence.
Then I found MN and I'm still here. I lurked on threads and learnt an awful lot. The biggest lesson was seeing how often this seems to happen. Exactly the same pattern. Also learning that getting over this sort of relationship takes a very long time. Progress is slower than most RL people expect it to be. And I have to look after myself.
Hence my question.
My brother phoned today. Not spoken to him since it happened, but not really surprised by that. I initially thought he had phoned to see how I was. However, the conversation soon turned round to
" What's this about your not doing Christmas ?"
I always do Christmas. Ten people Christmas day, same again Boxing Day, and, in the past, family party between Christmas and New Year.
My family are not local, so everyone descends for a week at least. I have enjoyed this in the past, but it is extremely expensive and very hard work.
I told my DM last week that I am not doing it this year. She seemed accepting and understanding, but now I feel my brother is bullying me and black mailing me.
He said I was being unfair, not letting him and my parents see the family over Christmas. I told him I'm not, but just not here. I tried to explain I have had panic attacks just attempting to buy a loaf ! The thought of planning and shopping for so many feels impossible, and I'm not able to host and paste a smile on so I don't ruin everyone's Christmas.
I have never fallen out with him in my life, and he has never cooked a Christmas dinner.
I imagine other posters have had similar expectations placed upon them during such a difficult period of their lives, and just wondered how you all dealt with it ?