Child contact and LIES... Really need advice please

[Homely1]

I have posted before and I have had great advice, support and a lot of love. Ex is pursuing the legal route for contact. DC is a toddler. He's been absent and not bothered. I have received correspondence with pure lies ... Not slight deviations of the truth. LIES on paper. He is a manipulator but how low can a person stoop. He has accused me of things that have NOT happened. It is his word against mine. He is a master manipulator and I worry that people believe him. What do I do?

Thank you for the multiple posts Offred. It's very helpful to hear your perspective.

I am only worried about lies as I have facilitated contact and he has made me to be the perpetrator and making out that I have kept DC away when I have not. My conversation with DC was to make staying away sound exciting but it was met with tears.

The lies he had told scare me as I will be viewed negatively for things I have not done and it's his latest insult, hence the focus.

His lies, IMO, make him look unnecessarily focused on you. You can ignore anything he says about you that bears no relation to your DC and is about the past.

Stick to arranging things for the future.

Anyone who tells you over the Internet what the best contact arrangement is for your DS is likely to be wrong.

You can expect a child who is not used to staying overnight to be upset. It isn't always a reason for them not to go. Your DC would likely be upset about going to a much loved grandparent too.

However it is always advisable to build up to these things to reduce anxiety as much as possible. I wouldn't go from supervised to overnights straight away.

hi im not sure I'm posting this in the right place but I'm desperate for some advice please, me and my ex separated just before our daughter was born we didn't agree on things afterwards and so it went to court in which a order was giving stating for me to ensure reasonable contact was given between my ex and our daughter, since then my ex has had our daughter for 1 day at the weekend every weekend to cut a long story short I've been more than civilised even looking after his step son for 4days as him and his partner were tires said they needed a break and that i should take my turn i did as they asked to help keep things friendly between us all however the last 2 year my daughter has stated she doesn't like sleeping at her daddys she's 4 years old and last year their was a incident where i found out in the morning our daughter and his step son who is 1 year older than my daughter was getting up in the morning on their own as my ex and his partner were tired and the children were getting up to early i wasn't very happy and expressed my concerns and things seemed to be ok, they have had to ring and text me several times over the last year for me to go around to calm our daughter down as she gets so upset sleeping over this concerned me as she has no problems sleeping anywhere else so I've spoke to my daughter and she has said its because she misses me so i asked if she misses me when she sleeps at my sisters house and her reply was yes but she gives me cuddles when i miss you so i suggested she asked her daddy for a cuddle when she is feeling sad and she was horrified she replied with daddy doesn't cuddle me he's to busy now I'm worried its because her emotional needs aren't being met, she's also said her and her step brother have been left in the home unsupervised and were told not to do anything other than play with the toys, also its now came out that again they are being left to get up on their own in the morning and get their own breakfast I'm really worried i have told my ex i am stopping over night contact temporarily until our doughtier feels comfortable sleeping over and also told him he can see her when ever he likes when he finishes work during the week i.e take her for tea then bring her home as many times as he wants during the week and have her during the day on a weekend but she must sleep at home he is now taking me to court to have her 2 nights a week i don't know what to do i want our daughter to enjoy going to her dads but i want her to be safe and not for her to wish that she is going to be unwell at the weekend so she can stay at home i have no idea where to turn and what to do for the best in terms of minting her relationship with her dad as well as keep her safe

I hope you are ok ruby....I am interested to know what happens in such a situation too X

Please don't take this amiss, ruby, but the lack of punctuation and paragraphs makes your post difficult to read and I'm sure you'll receive helpful responses if you copy and paste it into 'Start new thread within this topic' and add the necessary punctuation. '

In the meantime, please know that before your ex can institute court proceedings in this matter he must first attend mediation at which time you will be able to draw attention to what your dd has told you and express your valid concern that both she and her stepbrother are being neglected and which is, of course, the reason why you have called a temporary halt to her overnight stays with him.

If your dd is at school/nursery I would suggest you appraise the head/her teacher of your concern as it may help if she is gently encouraged to tell others what she's told you.