Hi this is my first post but I've lurked.
Will try to give you the facts. I apologise for the long and whiney nature of this post.
Been together with H 5 years.
Married 3 years.
DD is 2 and wonderful (not bias...).
Marriage gradually been going downhill since DD born.
H is distant, shows little interest in DD or I. Regularly says he loves us but I don't feel he shows it, my family agree.
He will frequently ignore DD when she speaks to him, preferring to busy himself in phone (net) or tablet (games). When challenged he'll sigh and say "I was talking to her" or "I am watching her" lying etc. Consequently I do not leave DD with him. He actually says "I couldn't look after all day like you do".
I cannot remember the last time he said anything nice about my appearance without prompting by somebody else (fair enough I guess; I'll admit I'm no stunner!) but I have tried to make an effort and do compliment him.
We've had no sex life for a while and when we have attempted anything it's been quite one sided towards his pleasure without much regard for me.
He seems to have little empathy for anyone and can only see how any circumstance effects him. Any situation is quickly brought back to how he feels.
He is on antidepressants from the GP but when he is expected to go counselling he tells them he feels fine and they discharge him. He sometimes seems to only be depressed when he can use it as an excuse. This makes me feel like an awful person, especially since I have worked in the past with young people with severe depression. I'm really not a cold hearted person.
He has no problems with work, seems to enjoy it and do well. He just doesn't particularly seem to enjoy being around DD and I. The one counselling session he did attend he stated he doesn't particularly enjoy weekends with us but couldn't really explain why. They then promptly discharged him.
He actively enjoys highlighting the faults in others such as my family and few friends but cannot see any fault in himself. As a result of his strange attitudes we don't seem to have many friends anymore so I don't have anyone to confide in aside from family who are sympathetic towards me and see his faults the same as I do.
If I cry he will not comfort me. But instead will later ask if I want a hug and when I refuse because it is inappropriate at that time he'll use it against me at a later date. "I asked you yesterday if you wanted a hug". Sounds funny reading it but its really not.
When he excuses his poor behaviour with depression I feel like we spend our days tiptoeing around making sure he is OK. I hate the thought that my DD will think its a woman's job to tiptoe around so not to upset a man. I asked what he felt was a hood Christmas present for DD and he replied " I don't know, what does she like?"
However he wasn't always like this and can be helpful and kind. If I was to ask him to drive us to another town he almost certainly would. However he would probably be largely silent and have no particular conversation.
We've spoke about splitting and he says he doesn't want to because he loves us. I say he needs to show it. He says he does.
I feel like I live with a lodger who doesn't like me.
I just do not know what to do.