MIL is getting married!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[HoHoHorsewoman]

MIL announced last night that she and long term partner of 15 years are getting married. I've always secretly hoped that she would dump him one day, he is a know-all and highly opinionated. He manages to alienate just about everyone, and the only reason her 4 boys tolerate him is because she seems happy. We have all told her how happy we are for her (naturally) and nobody would EVER say otherwise, even to each other, but secretly I am disappointed that he is going to be a permanent fixture in the family. I think DH may be too, but would never admit it. I don't really want my DDs calling him 'Grandpa' and hope that his relationship with them will not alter. DHs dad died 2 years ago after having been seperated from MIL for 20 years, and was quite an unpleasant person, so I am not too sad that my girls are missing a Grandparent, but I don't want him replaced with another of (admittedly different) but still unpleasant characteristics. Why does she pick such crappy men (or do they single her out....?) Am I unreasonable? I just don't care for him a great deal.

What difference will her being married to him make for you and your kids etc though if she's already been with him for 15 years?

I just don't want the relationship with my family to change now he is legally part of the family. That in itself is something I don't relish - that he is legally part of the family. It just feels more permanent, and, like I said, I have secretly harboured the desire that she would dump him one day for someone lovely. Selfish, I'm sure, but I can't help feeling she deserves better. Her men are always seriously flawed, and while no-one's perfect I know, he is the type that leaves you seething after 5 mins in his company.

I sympathise, but it's her life and if she has been with him for 15 years and now wants to make this commitment then she's a grown up and entitled to do just that.

Why do you think your relationship with your family would change when he becomes a 'legal' part of the family? In what way do you think it would change?

I undersatand you always hoped she would dump him, but she's obviously not going to, at least not just yet, she wants to make a commitment to him, she must love him, or at least he makes her happy / secure, whatever. It's a shame you don't all get on with him but I don't see how after 15 years it'll make a difference to your life in the day to day living of it.

No, I think you're right. I just think it has been a bit of a shock to us all - we just didn't see it coming. In fact, I think we all thought the opposite may be about to happen! I know my children are probably as familiar with him as they would have been if he had always been her husband, and I can't see why their relationship would change, but my MIL is a bit of an odd bird, and I hope she doesn't insist on making him more their grandpa. Sorry if I'm not expressing myself clearly, it's just that he is not their grandpa, and for that, at least, I am thankful, so I don't want him to suddenly become 'grandpa by proxy' IYSWIM. At least without marriage (a state my Irish catholic MIL takes very seriously) he wasn't ever really 'involved' in family business, now I know he will feel perfectly justified to throw in his two penn'orth at every opportunity.

I do sympathise withy u.

But your kids have lknown him all their lives to daye so they will go on calling him what they always have and if she suddenly wants that changed then say no, it'll be weird to them. If your kids then decide at some point to call him Grandpa then so be it, but it'll be their choice not hers and politley expalin that to her if it comes to it.