Does depression / breakdown excuse appalling behavior?

[doiforgive]

I am not writing because I am thinking of getting back together with him (not in a billion years) but only to guide how I feel about the past and act towards him.

Some years ago my then DP became depressed and put me through about everything you can put another person through. Betrayal, emotional abuse nd total loss of care for me.

This caused me unimaginable pain at the time, which took years and a lot of counselling to get over, was even treated for mild form of PTSD as it was so sudden and so severe in nature and I still bear scars.

I would say he did not exhibit any of this behavior previous to the depression being evident, he was a veyr good and loving DP for a lot of years, hence my shock - but he did have a history of being a little selfish, manipulative and self serving which became severely magnified.

His breakdown was quite severe. Three years on he has not fully recovered and is still medicated but he did manage to continue living relatively normally he is clearly a very toubled and unhappy man.

At the time I loved him deeply and tried everything to help him but was met with only anger and hatred that I could never understand.

He contacts me occassionally now and I really don't know how to feel about it. I thrived without him and went on to a happier life, and his stayed very miserable as the architecht of his own downfall.

I can't stress enough that his behavior towards me was appaling in nature - I won't type it out, but we are talking pretty severe mental abuse that he seemed to enjoy that was drawn out in length and that he seemed to take pleasure in.

I am not sure now whether to be a friend to him, to feel sorry for him or to hate him and wnated to know just quite how much mental health issues like this can be held responsible for a person's behavior?

I think you need to accept that its tempting to check up on him, but you need to not actually do it. You need to keep yourself safe. He traumatised you. You needed treatment.

Youre happy now, so you half think you could deal with it and not get hurt, and im sure you want to get some closure, but you could easily let your guard down, and that could be disastrous. Dont do it to yourself. You owe him nothing.

Is he the only person youve loved?

No. I've loved two men deeply. The other one he ended it with me and broke my heart but it was completely different because he was who he always was and not deranged. It hurt but was not traumatic. I am still close friends with him. I am also in a new relationship with someone. .. if I am honest. ..I absolutely adore so this is not about missing my ex or wanting him back. Just about deciding how to feel really.

I think anyone can change behaviour…ill or not. STBXH was lovely for years then became a complete and utter grade A ae. And it's true- you remember how lovely they were and think that person must still be in there somewhere…which is why women stay with abusive men.

The behaviour you have described is abhorrent- how could anyone do that sort of thing to another person- especially one who they loved? Does he treat other people like that? I agree with the others that you should draw a line under the whole thing. The behaviour you are dealing with now is having a detrimental effect on you, and there is absolutely no reason why you should have to be subjected to it. EXDP is responsible for his own behaviour- he is treating you like an emotional dustbin. I'd suggest that if he needs psychological support then he needs to request this via his GP but that you cannot help him. If he really can't help his behaviour (unlikely) then he needs to get professional help. Professionals have training, and supervision, and would actually probably refuse to help him if he treated them like he has treated you.

Hi op

I have pm you

Let go!