Bit of a long one this sorry, so I'll try and keep it short. My head is all over the place and I feel I need to talk this through.
My mum died a few years ago. She was very mentally unwell and an alcholic. We had a strained relationship, but she is my mum so I've always felt I was on "her side" iyswim?
My dad, his family and my mum's own siblings/nephews/neices etc, all abandoned my mum (and me by default), because of her behaviour. They have actually said that it was too difficult to try and stay in contact because of her and that it was better for me if they didn't have anything to do with us because I would suffer if their presence annoyed my mum too much.
My first problem is this ^ I suffered anyway because of their lack of presence. I was a CHILD and they all left me with a woman they couldn't have anything to do with because of her behaviour.
I was talking with my dad and his family recently and I asked to hear his side of the story. I've only ever heard my mum's side before but I'm not stupid and I know she won't have been an innocent party in all the troubles that happened. I learned of some things my mum did which I did not remember/had no knowledge of and I am fine with this.
What I am not fine with is the stance that my mum's worst "crime" was to allege that her brother in law tried to rape her when she was a teenager (my dad said she said she was raped, but my mum told me it was attempted rape - I obviously can't determine which is the correct version). I am finding myself quite angry and confused about this. I have never doubted what my mum said about the incident, but her whole family always thought it was a lie.
I have always reconciled my mum's behaviour with the fact that she had mental health problems. I can accept she behaved in atrocious ways at times towards these family members. But I can't help but want to ask them whether they think that perhaps the fact that nobody believed her when she told people about the attempted rape (leaving this man to remain a part of the family) might have contributed towards the decline in her mental health. I can't help but feel they are in some ways even more responsible for the events that took place because of this. And I'm angry on her behalf that she is still not believed and that they speak of her with such venom because of this.
I know the short answer is that nothing can be done, I can never get any answers adn I just need to get over it. And I will, but I just wanted to get my thoughts out and here is generally a pretty good sounding board.