Should I return to ex?

[Questionstime]

My ex partner and I split up two years ago. We have two children but had drifted apart and we're having lots of arguments, driven by stress of work and life. I felt very lonely with him.

Recently I've had some health problems which ended up with me and dcs staying at his house for several weeks, we're still here now. He's asked me to stay permanently.

I'm tempted to stay - although I was very happy living with the dc, life was a struggle due to small living space at home, plus dc due to start at school and near me the schools are rough and not great, near ex the school is very good and I'd love dc to go there. Needless to say, financially life would be much easier with my exp, I'd be able to keep most of my salary instead of spending it all on bills.

However I have an underlying fear that if I move back with him it would be for practical reasons - finances, good schools etc and emotionally I'd likely end up lonely again, he's not a very loving person.

Any thoughts?

Do you see a future? Do you think you can make each other happy? I would suggest moving out... Then date if you think it can move forward.

Never go back.

Everything you've said is about practicalities, no mentions of your feelings for him.

For that reason I don't think you'd be doing it for the right reasons so I would warn against it.

Thanks. Nothing has changed between us since we split up I think.

I'd have liked to be in a relationship with him as I feel guilty if dc have to go to 'bad' schools compared to the great ones near him, I'm tired of always being the odd one out and having to tell people I'm a single parent and sad that I spend my life stuck in a rut of working to pay bills and look after dc with no left over money for a holiday etc

But deep down I know it's better for dc to see their parents amicable but apart than loveless and together.

If something has changed then it would be narrow minded to not think about it. However from what you've said nothing has really changed and unless you feel like you made a mistake first time round then I think you should be very reticent about going back.

No.

In order to go back, the reasons that caused the split in the first place would need to have been completely turned around and fixed.

That's not the case: you are thinking of getting back together just for practicalities, and you would still feel lonely with him.

I wonder, is there a middle ground? Stay until kids get into the better school, save money during this time, then try again when less skint and keeping your children's school places.?
Would not normally suggest this, but only you can weigh up things. He's given you an option to think about, but if you no longer have any feelings for him, and there would be physical expectations on his part from you, then you should not compromise yourself in that way. If it's more like would be co-parenting under the same roof, it's for you to decide whether that is viable until you are in a better position.

Have you talked about why you split?

The situation has got you over a barrel - I can see how tempting it is - but you can still make conditions. I assume you loved him once but his neglect killed your love.

Thanks for your suggestions! I will discuss the situation with ex this evening. It is an option to stay temporarily and try to find somewhere to rent locally so the dc could be near their dad and could go to the good school. He has no physical expectations.

Ideally I'd love to have somewhere decent to live with the dc that is close to him but not under the same roof. He hasn't changed, nor would I have expected him to, he's not very caring at all.