Falling in love and stuck between man who wants kids and woman who can't

[trycicle]

I'm 31 and I think I'm falling for a man in his late forties. As always, there's a hitch.

He used to be in a casual relationship with a woman in her early fifties who is now divorced. She has a child from her marriage.

We were talking about it last week and he said this woman is in love with him and would still want a relationship with him. I asked him how he felt. He said it isn't straight-forward and that he felt very attached to her, maybe something like love. He assured me they weren't seeing each other anymore. I said in that case, why not?

He said because he wanted children and she couldn't have any anymore.

I think he likes me very much indeed (its early days) and I definitely know he finds me very physically attractive. I just felt my heart die a little. My face must have given everything away. He said "I have more love than for just one person".

I suppose it's fair enough in a way - he can't be with her if he definitely wants a child that is biologically his, and that's that, and he is moving on in his life.

But from my point of view, it just made me feel like some kind of broodmare. Am I just some younger woman he is scoping out for a relationship and potentially a ''childbearer'' as he tries to get over the fact that he can't be with this other woman?

Am I being over-sensitive/unfair? Would like to hear similar experiences and some balanced POVs please.

Get rid, he is a user.

I disagree that 50 is too old for a man to be having children.

But I completely agree that this man has so many red flags all over him to warrant an exclusion zone!

Be someone's first choice not their second or indeed third.

I see red flags in neon here. Walk away. You might end up with his babies but you wont end up with him and if you do it will be transitory. Sorry, but this is likely to be the outcome.

"more than enough for one" is the biggest indication of his intentions, he intends to shag you, have you have his babies and he will live and hang out with his other woman but with visiting rights for him with "his" children (yours with him) and no money forthcoming for "his" children. Dangerous Liasons is his modus operandi, you may even be caught in a folie a deux- be careful.

.. this all of course presuming that you CAN have kids! (be warned, some of us can't, and it can take a while to find out.) Wish people would not assume that children could be somehow miraculously just summoned....

I know know someone in real life that married a man who had left his ex because she could not have kids . Had kids by her then when back to the ex.

One of the hitches is that he's nearly 20 years older than you. Why not look for someone your own age who wants what you do and gives all his love to one person/his family rather than sharing it around?

He is declaring what he is with that stupid line, "I have more love than for just one person." There's no way of saying that without sounding like a sleazeball.

He has more love than for just one person? Why has it taken him till nearly 50yo to realise this?

Run. For all the reasons outlined so clearly above.

Also, think about how this would play out for the older woman. Casanova there has probably encouraged her to 'love' him, told her he loves her (if he's told you that he thinks he feels 'something like love', he's definitely been more forthcoming with her), maybe even encouraged her divorce. Then, just as she's free to be with him, he pops up with a much younger woman who can give him the children she knows she can't. Isn't that an appallingly cruel way to treat someone you claim to love?

Not that she's blameless in all this, but he's a peach.

And when you do fall for him and he messes you around, he will say "i told you i could love more than one person".

Yep get rid. He's told you who he is and it isn't very nice.

I'm a 50 year old woman who after 10 years, my DH who swore he never wanted kids, decided he now wants kids and wants to dump me off for a broodmare. Disgusting.

Don't let your emotions rule your head.

Its easy to fall for a guy who makes you feel attractive. You say yourself, its early days, of course you are attractive, I am guessing a lot more attractive than him.
He's a selfish shit. He wants it all. He'll have a child with you, go back to the 50yr old and make up, and guess who'll be left a single mother taking care of the child. He'll be a Disney dad, seeing the child at his convenience. He just wants a child, by the sounds of him, he's not interested in raising and looking after one.

Run and don't look back. Please listen to the other posters you will regret having anything to do with this arsehole. I bet he can't believe his luck, having a 31yr old interested in him.