What happens next? Long post sorry

[Confusedmummy258]

Hi just wondered if I could pick the communal minds....
A month ago I found out my husband had been having an affair for the last 5m. They had slept together once, texted etc and met each other regularly (they worked at same office). We have been together for 13yrs with 2 children.
He ended it with her immediately and says he wants to try and fix our marriage, which he says he hasn't been happy in for some time.
I knew things hadn't been great for last couple of months but I assumed this was due to how busy I'd been at work and that we just needed some time to catch back up.
I have been really busy with work for the last year or so, working long days/evenings and then being really tired/stressed on the weekend. I appreciated he was having to do more than his fair share but he never said anything to me to suggest it was a problem.
I believe he does want to try, but I am not sure why. I have told him I don't want to stay together for the children but when I try to talk to him it's hard to understand if it's them or us he's staying for. He doesn't seem to know what's going on his head and it's very frustrating as he can't seem to answer any of my questions.
I'm willing to work to forgive the affair but i need to know he's in it for the right reasons, but without him talking I can't be sure. We have been to relate but am on waiting list and it'll be another 6wks before we can start.
I have tried pushing/questioning and that doesn't seem to work and I'm worried I may push him even more. I know he as a person needs time to process stuff and work thru it, but on the other hand I can't live my life on hold whilst he contemplates.
For example I actually asked if he'd move back into our shared room and he's said no - it feels like a huge rejection when I should be the one being annoyed. But he says he feels we need to get more on an even keel before we do. Whereas to me I don't see how we can rebuild intimacy etc from seperate beds....
I'd really appreciate any thoughts from anyone who's been in a similar position as I'm feeling very confused about what to do for the best....
Thanks

I'm sorry but he has basically no consequence, wont answer you honestly and you are scared to push him.

Imo, doesn't matter how rocky the road gets you don't go looking elsewhere and cheat on your partner, whether married or not, he did, that tells you that he is not trustworthy OP. Clinging on hoping things will get better just wont work, you are basically giving him the green light to do the same thing again.

Show him you are nobody's fool, get him out, have time apart and spend that time working out if you want to still have a future with him, no matter how much you think you cannot change this now, it's happened and it could mean it's time to move on without him.

The only way to forgive is if the other person is moving hell and earth to prove to you that they are worth one more chance, doesn't sound like he's doing anything.

He won't come back into your bedroom, he has no intention of finishing with the ow, he is still into her.
Must say you are one forgiving person.
I would kick his arse to the kerb, you are being far too easy on him. Spouting the usual shite, nor happy for some time.
He will let you down again. Get strong.b

I think he's playing for time while the OW decides what she wants. He isn't in any way committed to showing you he's sorry or rebuilding trust. I would ask him to leave and let him think about things from there.

I have tried pushing/questioning and that doesn't seem to work and I'm worried I may push him even more.

IMO you need to question for as long as it stays an issue for you. Don't worry about pushing too much, if OH doesn't like it you will know that his heart isn't in it. And I don't think it is.

PS, OH is not coming to your bed because he is having sex with OW and he is afraid OW will ask or find out if he is having sex with you. An old story.