So confused and depressed help!

[mrsrabbitsays]

Hello
I have been lurking for a while now but could really do with some advice from mumsnetters. I have been married to DH for 15 years, I met him when I was 19, now 36. We have 3 children aged 10, 8 and 7. our marriage has been weak for around 2 years. We haven't had sex or any intimate contact for around a year. We are both in busy jobs.Our children are very energetic. Amongst all this I have been struck by having a crush on a man at work. I haven't acted upon it but was struck by the feelings that I felt that haven't been heard in a long time. I have only been talking to him but it all exploded when dh saw a text to one of my friends that said I had these feelings for someone else. We had a massive argument that acknowledged our marriage was rubbish and failing. DH phoned and left messages at my work for the man in question which was very embarrassing. He also announced on fbook that his wife loved someone else, which my dad had to see. We have just come back from a holiday where we argued and slept in separate beds. The kids have noticed our arguments and fight more regularly too. I can't stop crying. Dh says he is going to move out but I am scared of being alone. This morning I nearly cracked and asked him into my bed even though I know I don't really love him anymore. I am stuck in a place where I don't really have many friends as I have only lived here a year. I am embarrassed at work because of my husbands phone calls and because I can't get over the man I had a crush on ( he now refuses to talk to me) I can't stop crying and I worry for the future as I don't want to be alone and unhappy . Sorry for the ramble I just needed to get it down

You poor love, what a horrible situation for you. You marriage sounds dead (sorry). You are already unhappy so why hang on any longer when you are so miserable. Emailing your co-worker was a nasty thing for your DH to do, especially when there was nothing going on! If I were you I would send a note to this man saying your DH is being a prick and got the wrong end of the stick and hope your working relationship can get past this. You need to sit down with your DH when he has calmed down and talk about your future.

Oh OP

What is it with Facebook nowadays and people wanting to broadcast the most intimate details of their lives on there??? It's insane behaviour.

Gabby has given some excellent advicr re the work guy. Do that.
Re Facebook, can you just deactivate your account for the time being? Take that noise away.
Listen the reason this has exploded is because you have both been burying your heads in the sand. Potentially because of your DC's, you haven't wanted to open this can of worms because you're both scared of what will be said etc.

Can you please ask your DH to sit down and talk calmly? Is there anyway someone can watch your DC's while you guys go out and sit calmly and talk.

You've been together for so long, there is no need to pull the pin on the grenade immediately. Would you both attend counselling?

We have tried one session of counselling. His opening gambit was "I want to leave, I don't trust her" he then said "it is time for me to start living for me " he's made threats about moving out and not seeing the children and says he will break me down .its hard to see how counselling will work but I am so scared as I have a busy job, 3 children , 2 cats a dog and no friends or family nearby.
I know in my heart if it wasn't for the children , I would probably go as he is breaking me down. I am not normally an emotional woman but have been crying every day over my future.

Oh how horrible. He is being very unpleasant. Is he normally so quick to drama and anger?

You have options - and this horrendous embarrassing time will pass. Being on your own might prove a relief. I know you're scared but loads of people do this alone and staying in an unhappy marriage is bad for everybody. Next time he threatens to leave, take him up on it. You don't need him around when his mission is to break you. I think you should think about the whys of the failing marriage and not let a silly crush be central in your mind.

Would moving back to friends and family be a possibility?