How long does it take to get over being cheated on?

[UmbongoUnchained]

i split with my ex in April due to him being violent and emotionally abusive. At the time, DD was 9 months old. Since then he has seen my DD once and has no interest in ever seeing her again. I few weeks after the split I found out that he had been cheating on me the entire time we were together and actually gave me a disease when pregnant that meant my DD spent the first 2 weeks of her life in intensive care. He's been arrested for threatening to kill me and since then I've heard nothing from him at all. I was just starting to get over it all, have met someone new (taking things very slow!!) but was just starting to feel happy again. I've now found out that ex is having another baby with his new girlfriend and all of a sudden I just feel like it's happening all over again. I know it's nothing to do with me, but he has no interest in the child he already has, plus a set of twins that were born a few months ago the girl he was cheating on me with that he also has nothing to do with. Ex swans about with his new gf, playing happy families with her DD and makes out that he's this amazing man. I've just been left completely on my own to pick up all the pieces and just feel so unhappy. When will I stop feeling like this? I just want to be happy with my beautiful daughter and lovely new man!

I can't tell you when but I can guarantee you two things. The first is that you have done the absolute best thing you could do for your DD. Without doubt.

The second thing is that poor, poor woman woman has no idea of what a mess lies ahead of her.

My first long term bf did the dirty on me. It took me a good 18 months to get my head straight. But I was a tougher person for it. The pain is long gone but I will always remember that pain. It taught me that I deserve way more. And 19 years later, I have been with my dh for 17 years, married for 10 with 2 dc.

It is natural that when you hear news about your ex, it will stop you in your tracks. This is your defence mechanisms reminding you what a dreadful person he is

Thankyou. It makes me so mad that I'm mad about it if you see what I mean?
I have no sympathy for her. People have warned her what he's like, and she has just helped to spread his lies around which thankfully no one believes! I just want to forget they exist but it's so difficult.

Is he named as the father on your dd's birth certificate and is he paying child maintenance for her?

Yes he's on her BC and he does pay maintenance because he's in the navy and would be disciplined if he didn't. That's the only reason he pays it though.

Took my beautiful girl to a party today and have just been feeling sick with anxiety the entire time because it's in his home town. I just want my life back!

Oh

It happened to me in a past relationship, and my confidence was knocked for ages. I didn't have DCs then which must be an added stress for you . I think the main thing that helped was being with a decent partner and slowly rebuilding trust. I did also have counselling, for a separate issue but this had a positive impact on self esteem. Give it time and thought, you are a strong and living mother who did the right thing for yourself and your child. His life and thAt of anyone else he gets involved with are irrelevant. You're doing great.

Yeah, it sucks big fat shitty eggs dunit :( I have to say for me it was about 12 months to let the whole anxiety subside and that happened once I realised that actually I'd done NOTHING WRONG and was the victim here. However, once the anxiety went I was cross! AND OMG I totally owned that ANGER!!! I decided it was a powerful force and needed to be fueled. I did that by having a fucking amazing life! Sounds simple but the best way you can feel better is to actually feel better! Just show yourself (and so your Ex) that you have moved on. Don't be happy 'at him' as that's destructive, just live every single day to the full and know that this is you getting even. Best of luck hun x

Thankyou so much guys. He's away on deployment soon for 9 months, so I'm hoping a lot of my anxiety will lift then and I can start taking control again. Doesn't help that his family are only a mile down the road though and they are pure evil.

I would suggest some counselling for you and the freedom programme too. I think his abuse will affect you far longer than the cheating tbh.

My ExHB cheated on me 10 years ago. I don't think I will ever truly get over it tbh. I think once you have completely given your heart to someone, with all the trust it implies, it can be incredibly hard to regain that trust with anyone. I have completely moved on and had other relationships etc but have always held onto a small bit of myself. Probably why they don't work lol! I think its self protection.
I found out yesterday my ExHB has just got remarried, to the woman he cheated on me with. I haven't thought of him for years but it was still a bit of a jolt to the system!