Office romance (or not as the case may be)

[HowWillIKnowIfHeReallyLovesMe]

NC as a regular and worried in case am outed...

Been single for 5 years since long relationship, no DCs. Had odd dates and short relationships but nothing special. Have worked in office for many years, part of large company, project work so quite transient and come into contact with lots of different people.

A couple of months ago I moved to a new project and somehow have managed to fall hook line and sinker for a guy who was already working on it. Over the last few months we have been working very closely together and I've got to know him quite well but it is now becoming quite difficult as I fancy him so much I lose concentration on the work we are supposed to be doing !! Whilst he is pleasant to work with - I can't tell if he likes me or not, he's quite open with me about things and we have a couple of shared interests and the odd bit of banter but not sure if he's just being polite with me ??

A couple of facts - I am mid 30s, he is a couple of years older. He is single (divorced), 2 teenage DCs with good relationship, amicable with ex wife, own house, and general all round good egg. No mention of girlfriends or dates.

I am in quite a senior position and am worried about a) not concentrating properly and acting like a love struck teenager or b) coming across as unprofessional by misreading signals or doing something (like asking him out) which if he turned me down would leave me completely embarrassed and would possibly attract gossip / harm my reputation and our working relationship. However - I just can't get him out of my head (as Kylie would say). I've not fancied someone like this for years - and although I don't actually mind being single, I am severely lacking in the dates department and I would like to go out with him. What should I do ?? And has anyone else ever been in a similar situation ?

I can usually tell if somebody likes me back. (It's rare )

Ask him out for lunch. That'd be acceptable for colleagues. Then read the signs. SEe if he allows the chat to lead to personal matters or dating.

Are you his boss?

If you get along, surely asking him for a drink or something after work wouldn't be all that untoward?

If and when that happens, you'll know better.

you are so lucky OP that at 36 you've met someone who's single, nice, and who you fancy like mad to boot! Just go for it - life is short, and as you know such chances are not frequent at this age as most good men are paired off.
Definitely just suggest a coffee or a quick lunch and go from there, see if once you ar away from the workplace he warms up/asks personal questipions. Again you ar lucky to have a perfect opportunity as you work together on daily basis.

I think asking him if he wants to go for lunch is perfect.

How much longer will you be working closely together for? I'd be inclined to wait until your project is finished before making a move.

Hi thanks for all your replies. I'm not his boss - but he does report to me indirectly. And I'm not sure how long I'll be working with him - at the moment it'll be at least for the next 3 months.

Drinks after work are difficult as we both work a long way from home - so drive to work - and also the nearest pubs to work are frequented by my ex boyfriend ! (Not what you want when trying to chat up a new beau ha ) but the lunch is a great idea thanks - I never thought of that.

Fwiw we both worked late tonight and had lots of chat (still can't tell if any signals I am so rubbish!) - he certainly wasn't in a rush to go home and had I not needed to go home I think we'd have still been there now so think this is a good sign

I will get in asking him for lunch next week and see what he says

I really hope this works out for you. Even if it doesn't I am sure you will meet someone. You sound very nice.

When I read the topic my alarm bells rang and I was going to give the usual,
"Nooo office romances never work!!!!"
Now I've read the thread and I'm like,
"AWWW :)"

Hope lunch goes great and you click.
One word of warning, if lunch date falls flat might it strain your working relationship?

Him not wanting to leave tonight, both staying late is a good sign.

You can't kiss over lunch tho.

So, after that, let him make the next move. THEN you will know if he likes you.

How exciting!!

This is difficult as he may be having the same conversation with his best friend. He Is divorced so he knows that he has a failed relationship which doesn't do much for his confidence.
Is there no way that you could do some work together out of the office?

Ie, you need to finish something off but need to go home to feed your cat and then arrange to meet him later, half way between your homes at some pub? You then have time to get your slap and best gear on.

There must be some way to reveal whether or not he finds you irrisistable. Anyway, what ever happens, take it very slowly as he may be seriously frightened.
Keep us posted... It is like a RL rom com.

Don't have an answer for you but I'm here in solidarity as in a similar situation now, with a couple of key differences -- in my case it's already advanced a bit further than you but I'm fairly sure can't move past a certain point so now having to take a step back.

For what its worth it does sound as if he's potentially interested.

I would say, though, that the stakes are really high and the potential to create a really awkward situation are also high so I would take it very very slowly and play it by ear. I think asking him out to lunch/drink is fine but I'd leave it deliberately ambiguous for plausible deniability later if you later get the impression he has a partner or that you may have read things wrong....

Ohhhh good luck.

Ahh thank you for your lovely replies

seeyounearertime I'd have thought the same as you. Have witnessed many office doomed romances over the years which is probably why I'm being extra cautious now.... Good call on if the lunch date falls flat - I was thinking that could return to work talk if so (project in question has a seemingly endless stream of conversations / plans / ideas needed so can certainly fill any awkward silences if needed).

holeinmyheart great idea - prob not possible at the moment as we are between office and field sites but I will certainly bear this in mind to spy an opportunity

And marzipanmaggie thanks for your sage advice - yes stakes are high - more so I don't want to be the subject of office gossip or be seen as unprofessional esp if I've got things wrong

Definitely think a casual offer of lunch is a great idea. Totally informal with no expectations, implied or otherwise. Good opportunity to read body language and watch for any signals.

Best wishes to you, hope it works out!