Tired of machine ex

[spideymum]

Allow me to just have my rant. Ex left 7 months ago left me in debt cleared the house of all his stuff when I was at work.

Things for me have improved since he left my son and I are settled I have a new job that will allow me to do school run one day a week and I managed to sort out all of the debts and can keep things ticking over.

But he still winds me up. For example yesterday he called and informed me he would be taking our son to an EU country the next day and would be home late Sunday evening. When I questioned this he started ranting at me and talking to me like crap which I soon put an end to. He had expected me to shop for wash clothes pack a bag for our son with one days notice and then have him home late Sunday to settle back for school early the next day.

I don't know why I get so wound up I have to explain to him why he can't think up things a day in advance and expect me to drop everything. Why I have to explain that he has to bring our son home early on school days (he just says I don't understand how hard it is for him not being with our son) and to just generally be a parent.

He is the most disorganised person and often resembles a cat on a hot tin roof when he gets an idea into his head.

I'm just tired of picking up his slack financially reminding him to pay maintenance. Not being told what time he is picking up our son for contact. It's like there's 2 children not 1.

Rant over

Manchild not machine

Maybe tellnhim to pull his head from his bottom, grow up or you'll seek aa visitation order that will spell out exactly when he can and can't see his son.
Might make him think ow good e as it right now.

Erm excuse me! He can't just take his son out of the country, EU or not.

Girl, you need to get contact stapled right down: exact dates, exact times. I did it legally (only way imo). We were totally spreadsheeted up, years ahead.

Don't take his calls and pair comms down to bare, bare minimum; then pair it down more. Email only (set up an a/c just for this). Have as little contact with him as humanly possible. If he wants to pull off a stunt like a foreign trip then he will have to apply well in advance eg months.

also don't bend over backwards for his and sons relationship. Your son doesn't need a fuckwit like this messing up his stability

I'm just going to focus on not trying to understand why he does the things he does. And no extra days when he feels like it and things planned in advance he's just so disorganised and tbh I think the whole responsible parenting thing slips by. He just seems to think it is about having fun that was half our problem when he lived here not enough support for me which in turn pushed me away.

Don't know whether to be proud of myself or not. He has been an absolute a** this weekend and I haven't risen to it.

He was meant to take our son on Friday cancelled and said he would pick him up after work on Sat (why he booked in work on his weekend I don't know) on Sat he messaged at 2 to say he had finished then at 7. I asked him what time he was coming seeing as he had promised trick or treating to our son. Then he said he had a blinding headache and couldn't get out of bed and was throwing up then added he hadn't gone out the previous night . So today he messaged at 12 asking to see our son at 3 I said ok because it's his bday tomorrow and our son was excited to give him his present. He came at 3.30 and dropped him back at 7.30 an hour and a half late.

But here's the issue I didn't say anything which meant no arguments. I'm tired of explaining why his actions are not that of a father and having his son waiting all weekend is poor. If I say anything he either ignores me and goes silent or screams in my face the latest time ended in him telling me to find our son another Dad .

What do I do stay silent or say something. The contact days are arranged we both know when they are but then he just messes around like this weekend. I have had the grand total of 4 hours to myself this half term.

Personally, I'd be as nice as possible to him. Don't rise to it. Let him show his true colours.
One thing I will say, don't fall into the trap of bad mouthing him to DC. DC will end up resenting you. Just tell him plainly whynhis dad and come and be there for him.
Be sure to keep all txt or mails if you can and don't rule out getting an official bodt involved to sort visitation etc. Might be help here:
www.gov.uk/looking-after-children-divorce/overview
That way you can show txts with you being reasonable and him being a jack ass.
Eventually you may find he's given himself enough rope to hang himself.

I'd get dates and times arranged for the rest of this year, then document every change he makes. Doesn't have to be more than a note of the date and how late he was. The important part is the notes should be contemporaneous eg made at the time, useful if you end up in court.
As for being as nice as possible, maybe reel that back to as cooperative as possible whilst getting on with your life (eg if he can't make an agreed pick up time, you give it say 30 mins but then get on with your plans and note he missed contact)