I need a stern talking to about my obsessive behaviour

[janaus]

Well, help again please.
After spending the past 6 weeks in the spare bedroom, after hubby finally admitting to a fling. We both do not wish to end a 39 year marriage. But I don't want to make it easy for him. I have been to hell and back.
Needing AD's and sleeping pills, barely eating.
I found out / guessed about something happening by checking out the phone bills.

Now I find myself constantly checking the phone account, online, every day and night, going back to 2008. I then am calling frequently called phone numbers to see if a man or a woman answers, and then hang up. I even called my sons number, because the number had been called many times, and I did not recognise the number.

I know this is unhealthy, and is affecting my sleep, and day to day activities.

I feel your pain, it's so hard moving forward. I can't offer advice because I can't move forward either. But I didn't want to read and run.

Sorry another point, he has made you obsessive so please do not blame yourself! X

Sadly, this is the life you sign up for when you choose to forgive the unforgiveable.

I don't know what the answer is for you.

Have you arranged any counselling for yourself ? Seen your GP to get some help with your anxiety ?

Although, it makes me feel very sad that the actions of a man require you to get help and medication simply to get through the day. Does that seem right to you ?

Don't make it easy for him. You are the injured party here. You need closure and if DH wants to stay with you he should be helping that process.

Look on ADs and sleep meds as temporary and work towards taking back control and being independent of them.

Sadly obsessive checking is very common n a cheated on spouse who decides to 'forgive'
It's a sign that you are seriously unhappy and unbalanced about it and those feelings are completely natural.
I wonder what your husband is doing to reassure you?

1. Try counselling
2. You need something to break the cycle; a change of daily routine, a new hobby, an extra work project which that occupies your thoughts etc
3. You have to find a way to stop and clear your head otherwise you will go crazy

How much remorse, responsibility for what he did and openness going forward is he offering you?

How much legwork is he putting in to repairing the relationship that he broke? And why are you still with him when you can no longer trust him? I know you deserve better than that.