Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why is he so negative and down about everyone

25 replies

fulloflife · 06/12/2006 09:38

I'm have always been and continue to be so so fed up with DH attitudes and opinions of others. He really likes so very few people, I could probably count on one hand. Whenever we are talking or he is telling me something he is continually finding fault with others and slagging them off. They are stupid, brainless, prat, a*hole, limp, pathethic....the list goes on. I find this so terribly draining like it sucks all happy thoughts out of me. Why does he do this??? He is rich, successful and has it all, what is wrong with him? Its now beginning to affect the way I feel towards him, I'm just not even liking him much at all.

OP posts:
theUrbanDRYadWithSparklyWings · 06/12/2006 10:24

does he have any friends at all or does he slag them off behond their backs?

some people are just overly negative. my ex-p was like this. i got so fed up with it (among other things) that we finished. not that i'm saying that's what you should do, but it got that bad for me.

if i was to go all psychological on you, i would say it was probably down to his low self-esteem, but to be perfectly frank, he just sounds like a bit of a prink. but then i don't know him, so shouldn't make value judgments.

now i've defeated myself i'm going to vanish in a puff of logic...

Original poster
fulloflife · 06/12/2006 10:24

any feedback anyone, your points of view would be appreciated

OP posts:
theUrbanDRYadWithSparklyWings · 06/12/2006 10:25

X posts i think....

Original poster
fulloflife · 06/12/2006 10:27

UrbanDry, he has one or two friends (business associates, I call them) and no he doesnt slag them off. As I say he only likes a few people. What I don't understand is why would he have low self esteem when he is rich and successful, I would have thought that would make you more confident. What is a prink BTW, I've never heard that before.

OP posts:
Bugsy2 · 06/12/2006 10:29

Sounds like his money & success has not brought him happiness.
My ex-H used to have these tendencies too. He was completely unable to see the world from any other perspective than his own & therefore was unable to see why people might do things differently to him. Therefore, the only way he could put their actions into any kind of perspective was to say they must be stupid, lame, brainless etc etc etc.
You are right fulloflife it is draining & really depressing listening to that stuff day in day out. Have you talked to him about it?

theUrbanDryadWithSparklyWings · 06/12/2006 10:31

it's a politer way of saying prick. like i say funk instead of fuck, to avoid offending people who don't like swearing, cause i'm nice like that...

just cause you're rich and successful doesn't mean he will have high self esteem...often it's not about money, but about how you see things in your own head IFSWIM.

Original poster
fulloflife · 06/12/2006 10:33

O yes Bugsey, I have tried talking to him about his attitude to everyone but it falls on very deaf ears. I mean how do you get someone to listen to you when they think they KNOW IT ALL and are better than everyone else . Its very depressing, I really dont see how you can be happy with life when you feel so against everyone. He does not like my brothers partner at all and for absolutely no justified reason but still keeps talking bad about the partner to me when he knows how much I like this person and this person is supber with our DC whom also love this person. I wish I had an answer, I really do.

OP posts:
theUrbanDryadWithSparklyWings · 06/12/2006 10:35

i'm sorry, but he sounds so much like my x-p it's unreal. just out of sheer curiosity, what are his good points? why are you still with him? (just to clarify - i don't think you should leave him, i'm just nosey!!)

Original poster
fulloflife · 06/12/2006 10:37

O yes and he has has a brush with death twice in the last 3 years, even this hasn't been enough to make him embrace life. Just wish I could get him to lighten up and "like" people. Even just "accept" we all have different opinions even if he doesn't agree.

OP posts:
Original poster
fulloflife · 06/12/2006 10:41

UrbanDry, be as nosey as you like, I don't mind a bit of that myself . Good points: Good father, good provider, hard working, fair, person of his word, willing to listen (tho not agree , clean and tidy.

OP posts:
Original poster
fulloflife · 06/12/2006 10:41

UrbanDry, be as nosey as you like, I don't mind a bit of that myself . Good points: Good father, good provider, hard working, fair, person of his word, willing to listen (tho not agree , clean and tidy.

OP posts:
Original poster
fulloflife · 06/12/2006 10:42

oops, hit it twice

OP posts:
theUrbanDryadWithSparklyWings · 06/12/2006 10:46

so good you said it twice!!

it is so difficult when someone won't even see that there are other points of view...and it must be draining living with such a negative attitude, BUT is it worth focusing on his good points and just sort of glossing over the bad? my DH isn't perfect but i wouldn't swap him for the world!

maltatheterrible · 06/12/2006 11:53

I've known a couple of guys like this and I would tentatively guess that it stems from a massive inferiority complex (I love playing at pyschoanalysis but am not qualified so feel free to ignore )
You mentioned that your dp is a know it all, and thinks he's better than others - i think some guys build up these layers of arrogance and selfbelief to hide their very real worries that they are "not good enough". So by belittling everyone else, they feel better.
With one guy who did this,whenever he started nastily slagging people off, I'd just ask him why it bothered him so much, and if he knew how awful it made him sound?
When I had to say it EVERY FIVE MINUTES I think he got the hint that he was actually being very boring and unpleasent.

Original poster
fulloflife · 06/12/2006 18:02

I have tried telling him how nasty he sounds when he is going on about other people and how it makes him sound not so very nice himself but then I am usually greeted with more verbal insult. What a sad waste of life to be so miserable. He wasn't always like this but it has got much worse over the years and worse as he has become more sucessful. I'm fed up and worried it will not be good for the DC to hear him name calling others all the time.

OP posts:
Mala · 06/12/2006 20:59

fulloflife - my dh is a very negative person. He is similar to yours in that he has so much good in his life, but he focusses on the bad instead. He get into these rants about silly little things and just goes into one. I always call him a grumpy old man. It does get to me, as I find it really draining to listen to his rants, even though he says he isn't seriously upset about it, it's just him letting off a bit of steam. However, I don't like listening to it and I don't want it to affect our children. He will always see the negative things first and it gets me down. It has affected the way I view him and has made me distance myself from him to some extent. I don't think he really realises how much I dislike it and how it gets me down even though I have told him. Not much help, just want to say that I sympathise.

Original poster
fulloflife · 07/12/2006 19:21

Thanks Mala, although not good you have to go through it too. I feel quite distant from DH too and I think I can honestly say its because his attitude is turning him into such a miserable and nasty person that I just don't particularly like him very much. Is it a stress this? I don't know, DH runs his own company and works really long hours but for me that is just not an excuse to slag off other people all the time. Slag off, I have'nt heard that in a long time

OP posts:
FioFio · 07/12/2006 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
fulloflife · 07/12/2006 19:32

my very own opinion too fiofio but what I just can't fathom out is why is he insecure.

OP posts:
christie1 · 07/12/2006 21:53

First thing to do is take a step back. It is his problem not yours. I started running and use that time to purge my thoughts of the negativity. But I know that you live with it and have to hear it. There are many techniques, try humour, changing the subject and finally, honesty. Tell him you can't listen to it and why (without anger). And sometimes when my dh starts to go negative, I just tell him I refuse to listen to it and, he has improved. The key was focusing on myself and my attitude which I could control rather than dh's which I can't control.

DonnerDasherDancerDior · 07/12/2006 22:03

Mine is like this. We never go out as couples because he always dislikes one of the couple. I call him Victor Meldrew. He is also a control freak in other ways! Bless him, I force him into social situations occasionally though!

DonnerDasherDancerDior · 07/12/2006 22:04

He is not insecure either - just a 'glass half full' type, whereas I can see some good in most people. Well, enough to want to have a night out with

DonnerDasherDancerDior · 07/12/2006 22:04

sorry - half 'empty'!

Original poster
fulloflife · 08/12/2006 20:17

Christie1 that is good advice and something I not even thought about. Here goes..... and thanks BTW

OP posts:
Original poster
fulloflife · 08/12/2006 20:21

O yes, my DH hardly likes the husbands of my friends too and as such our social life is very limited, more so than ever now as I find him himself to be so boring. Mine is a definate V Meldrew, O to be happy and carefree, what bliss it would be .

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page